I shivered as I stood out at the bus stop Monday morning because I had been too distracted to put on the right jacket before I left the house. I was distracted by the fact that Ashton hadn't called all weekend or even texted and distracted because he didn't wait for me outside of my house so we could walk to the bus stop together like we always did.
I felt as though I ruined everything just because I had gotten too caught up in the moment and tried to push Ashton too far. I should have known that he wasn't going to want to rush into things with me, he even told me himself that he didn't want to. I agreed with Ashton that we could take it slow and then I continued to push him to have sex with me, just because I wanted to prove a point. I was just too focused on how I felt instead of him, which I think was the main problem.
All I had wanted to do was defy my mother and sleep with Ashton because she didn't like him, I didn't even want to have sex with him for a good enough reason at the time. I shouldn't have overreacted that way, Ashton probably thinks that all I wanted from him in the first place was sex. That's definitely how I made it seem.
I pulled out my phone and checked the time, seeing that it was already 7:15 and Ashton hadn't made an appearance. I kept my back turned towards the direction that he would be coming from anyway, I usually did things like that. I found that it was much easier not to think about something that you were waiting for when you couldn't see where it was coming from.
"Murphy," A voice sighed from behind me and I turned around to find Ashton standing behind me, a cigarette hanging from his lips. "It's cold out, you have to start wearing a heavier jacket."
"Ashton!" I squealed as Ashton came towards me. He shrugged his own jacket off and handed it to me. "Aren't you going to be cold now?"
"I'm fine." Ashton smirked as he finished off his cigarette, letting it fall to the ground. He tugged on the collar of his sweater, like he was trying to tell me that he would he warm enough in just that.
Once I had his jacket on Ashton smiled and grabbed my hands in his, pulling me closer to him. He kissed me on the forehead first before moving down to my mouth and connecting his lips to mine. Ashton's hands moved to the sides of my face and cupped my cheeks, bringing me even closer to him while I rested one hand on his chest and the other on the back of his neck.
"I thought you were mad at me." I pulled away just a little, but Ashton only leaned in for a kiss again. We continued for a few more seconds before Ashton finally pulled away, dropping his hands back to his sides.
"I thought you were mad at me." He laughed softly. He stepped back from me and bit his lip, looking me up and down.
"I really overreacted the other night, I'm sorry." I apologized, feeling a lot better now that I was saying it out loud to him.
"No, no. It was completely fine that you acted like that, I was the one that made you think something was going to happen anyway. It's my fault." Ashton shook his head. He reached out and grabbed both of my hands again, intertwining our fingers together.
"No it wasn't, I shouldn't have tried to push you like that. I knew that you didn't want to move too fast and I should have just respected that." I sighed. I still felt bad about what I had done but it made me glad that Ashton was basically feeling the same way. We were both wrong and it was good that we were both owning up to that fact.
"But I still feel so bad, I got you into a ton of trouble with your mom and then I rejected you like that..." Ashton trailed off. He rubbed one of his eyes quickly, that surprisingly wasn't covered by sunglasses today.
"It's not your fault!" I argued. "It was my fault, I got so caught up in what I had been fighting with my mom about that I wasn't even thinking about how you would feel."
