French Teacher

Chapter 35

I searched into Lloyd's eyes for anything that would give him away; anything that would indicate that this was anything but the real deal. My brain was late and apparently all functions were likely mediocre. If anything, below average.

"What does that even mean, Lloyd?" I questioned.

Lloyd exasperated. "You know, it completely baffles me how incredibly dense you are, Pey. Before I've considerately taken it as cute, but now it's just plain out annoying--I mean, for god's sake, are you even doing it on purpose?"

"Lloyd, I legitimately don't." I answered quickly and defensively. "But if you quit being pissed all the time and just tell me what's up then it'd be a lot more easier for the both of us, don't you think?"

"Hey, you're the smart one here." He snapped. "The hints are pretty clear, Penny, you could have at least picked up the pieces and solved it by now."

I couldn't help but make a look. "Was there even something there be to solved? What are you even talking about anymore?"

"For fuck's sake!" Lloyd stood up, completely losing it. He showed exhaustion in every possible way that he can. But this wasn't the typical exhaustion in terms of physicality. This was definitely the 'I'm tired of all of this' kind.

I looked at him with utter mystery; wondering what had gotten into him; wondering what he had been going through to turn out this way; and wondering why he couldn't just give it to me straight.

"Do you honestly take everything I do non-sentimentally? The way I act, do you honestly believe that this isn't because of you?"

And from that moment, a rushing static ran through my body. By the way he pressed the word that indicated me, it just felt like a hard slap in the face. I couldn't comprehend what he could possibly mean by that. A part of me didn't want to accept that this was all because me; that I was to blame for Lloyd's suddenly act up. It brought me so much concern, and it honestly broke my heart. In my head, I was desperately retracing my actions, wondering which part of it was the cause. It brought me even more despair when I couldn't think of one.

I was loss of words. The air was getting tighter with every second a word was not spoken. It sucked.

"What...did I do?" I said quietly, scared of knowing the answer.

"Everything, Penny." He answered, voice tracing with bitter sadness. "Why can't you just---"

He trailed off and looked away. I stood myself up and tightened both my fist to get this all over with.

"What, Lloyd." I pressed. "Just tell me."

He looked me in eyes, tired. There was a hint of anger that I couldn't think of a reason behind it.

Was he always this a mystery?

No. Before, no. But now, I just don't know. He used to be just an egghead. But now? When did he became this ball of emotion and mystery?

Maybe there really was something there to be solved.

Suddenly, something in my gut dropped. Guilt was already invading. I realized, Lloyd wasn't the only one whose changing...so was I.

I, too, turned into this ball of emotion and mystery. I've also been acting up, I must confess. With the whole Kalvin thing. I was guilty as well. Sucked? Yes.