CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Scared of the outcome.
Ressler
I was holding her hand, waiting for her to wake up.
She has a lot of bruises. Wala na rin siyang buhok dahil pinakalbo na siya ng doctor niya.
I hate seeing her like this, ang daming nakasaksak sa kanya. Naisip ko, how did she manage to handle these things?
I scoffed when I remembered every single word that came out from Zild's mouth.
Of course, he would say those things. Kasi siya 'yong pinili. Siya 'yong pinagkatiwalaan. Sa kanya nagpatulong. Sa kanya nagpaalaga.
But I hate the fact that everything he said was all true.
I felt someone squeezing my hand. I shifted my eyes to her, my eyes wide open.
"B-Babe . . ." I muttered, letting out a sigh of relief because she's finally awake.
"Hi," I greeted, pressing her soft hand on my cheek.
"Hi, babe . . ." she said, tear fell down from her eyes. "I thought I won't see you again." Her voice cracked.
"But you're here now. Thank you," I whispered, kissing her hand.
"The doctor said you'll be staying here for more treatments," I informed her. She shook her head, avoiding my eyes.
"This is why I didn't want you to know, Ress. Ayaw kong maubos ang oras mo kakaalaga sa 'kin. Ayaw kong sa ospital umikot ang mundo mo," she trailed off, wiping the tears off her eyes. "Ayaw kong mahirapan ka," she sobbed.
I hate it everytime she says that.
I scoffed and let go of her hand. "And it's okay if it's Zild? It's alright for him to spend his time taking care of you? It's alright for him to make his world revolve around you? It's alright for him to suffer with you?"
"Ano ba'ng tingin mo sa 'kin?" nanliliit na sabi ko. Pinipigilan ko ang galit na nararamdaman ko.
Kahit alam kong hindi niya ginusto lahat ng 'to, hindi ko maiwasang magalit. Sumasama talaga ang loob ko. Naiinggit ako. Kasi sa dalawang taon na dapat ako 'yong nakasama niya, ibang lalaki pa ang gumawa ng lahat ng 'yon para sa kanya.
"Mahal kita, pero nakakapagod na. Pagod na 'ko. Pagod na 'kong intindihin ka. Hindi ko na kasi talaga maintindihan kung ano bang gusto mo. Alam ko, nahihirapan ka. Sa 'ting dalawa, mahirap talaga 'yong sitwasyon mo. Pero, Tam, minsan ba naisip mo ko? Naisip mo ba 'yong mararamdaman ko kapag bigla ka na lang nawala tapos hindi ko pa rin alam na may sakit ka? Naisip mo ba na 'pag bigla kang nawala, para akong tanga na walang kalam-alam? Na binuhos ko 'yong oras ko sa trabaho imbis na binuhos ko sana lahat 'yon sa 'yo? Tam, naisip mo ba 'ko? Naisip mo ba na gustong-gusto kong alagaan ka? Gustong-gusto ko manatili sa tabi mo. Gusto ko kasama mo 'ko sa lahat ng bagay na haharapin mo."
Sunod-sunod ang pagpatak ng luha ko. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Pagod na pagod na 'ko. Hindi ko na nga alam kung alin pa ba sa mga sinasabi niya ang totoo. Kasi siya mismo, ayaw niyang malaman ko 'yong totoo.
"I know you hid everything from me to protect me. But you have no right to do that, Tam. I thought we're all in this together. Turns out it was only you and Zild right from the start."
She tried to reach my hand but I slid the chair away from her and stepped back.
"Mahal kita pero nakakapagod na," pabulong kong sabi.
Muli akong tumingin sa kanya at nagtama ang mata naming dalawa.
She flashed me a weak smile, her eyes closed. "Nakakapagod na pero mahal pa rin kita. 'Yon ang pinagkaiba nating dalawa."
Nang marinig ko 'yon ay agad akong natauhan. Tumayo ako at lumapit sa kanya. Kinuha ko ang kamay niya at muli ko itong inilagay sa pisngi ko.
"I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I . . . I'm really sorry. I was just . . . I was just mad and disappointed, babe. I'm sorry," sunod-sunod kong sabi pero umiling siya at muling minulat ang mga mata niya.
"Pagod na rin ako, Ressler. Ang tagal ko nang lumalaban mag-isa. Gusto ko na lang magpahinga . . ."
No.
No.
No, please. Don't say that.
"You're not tired, Architect Morris. You're just scared. Scared of the outcome," said by a familiar voice behind me.
I whirled around and saw Jezra staring at my wife.
"Jez, what are you doing here?" I asked but she ignored me. Her eyes were firmly aimed to my wife.
"Hi, Architect Morris. I'm Architect Morales," she greeted my wife, flashing her a genuine smile.
I shifted my eyes back to my wife. Her eyes lit up in curiosity.
"Hi," my wife greeted back, fighting the urge to ask me what the hell is going on.
Kahit ako, hindi ko alam kung bakit siya nandito.
I didn't ask her to talk to her. Jezra wanted to meet my wife. Lagi niya akong kinukulit na ipakilala ko siya kay Tam, but I never had the chance. Lagi kasing walang oras sa 'kin si Tam. Kapag nasa trabaho siya, after that, si Zild naman ang kasama niya. I never had the chance to introduce them to each other.
"I'm here to talk to your wife, Ressler. Can you give us a minute?" Jezra said, glancing at me. I raised a brow at her. She's like an innocent kid, to be honest. My wife thinks that there's something going on between us and now she's here, protesting to talk to my wife.
I shot a glance at my wife and she nodded.
"Alright," I sighed, standing up to go outside.
"How did you know we're here?" tanong ko kay Jezra pagkahinto ko sa harap niya.
She let out a small laugh. "Got source from a new friend. I mean . . .enemy. I guess? I don't know, oh my God. He scared the hell out of me!" she complained like a kid kaya mahina akong natawa at napailing.
She's always like that. Full of energy.
"And who's this new friend slash enemy of yours?" I asked.
"Zild Morris," she replied.
BINABASA MO ANG
Smile For Me, Ressler
Romance|| Published under PSICOM || Tamara didn't want her husband to know that the day he married her was also the same day she was diagnosed with cancer. Disclaimer: This story is in Taglish Status: Completed ***Now available at National Book Store, Expr...
