Where I Belong √

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

I removed his hand which was holding my face.

"I'm ready but under certain conditions and we need to talk first"
  

"I'll do anything as long as I have you. I was acting immature for my age but I will seriously do anything to have you back" he was solemnly serious as anyone could and my heart skipped a beat.

I just hummed and did not show how his words affect me. Walking towards the bed I sat cross-legged and he mirrored my actions. We sat in silence for a minute or more. He was studying my face, probably wondering what's going in my head.

"I still do not trust you," I stated truthfully and hurt crossed his face but he nodded and covered it. And to be honest with myself I won't be able to look at him the same way.

"So I want our relation to be completely platonic. You will never touch me, let alone kiss. You will always keep your hands off of me. You will never force me for anything. And this should be between you and me"  I waved my hand between us.

I am being ridiculous but these conditions are only to push him away.

That little smile he had on his face, disappeared and I am not sure if we will be able to manage without sex in our lives, considering his sex addiction and my physical attraction for him worsens the case.

"The plus point is if you get bored of me-

"Rebecca that's not-"
I shushed him and continued.

"If you get bored with me, you are free to leave. You are free to fuck whoever you want. I am not asking for any forever promises from you Alex"

And I mean it. I will not get possessive or jealous whenever I see him with other girls like 'old' me. Now I look back and I think I was such a clingy person who's life revolved around one fucking guy.

If Alex wants to leave me or cheat on me again I won't fight or cry or hold on. I am just done with everything.
And when I say I have changed, I mean it. He loved the old Rebecca. But that's not me anymore.

And moreover, I am sure he will lose interest slowly.

I know the fact that no one sticks with me for a lifetime and nothing is permanent. And he will get sick of my cold nature. It's just a matter of time.

He shifted uncomfortably and inched closer. He held my hand with his both hand, looking straight into my eyes.

Damn. What about not touching me!

"I am very sorry. I understand now you have trust issues. I will never touch you that way without your permission and I promise you, to be loyal towards you. I never got bored of you and cheated intentionally. During that phase, I was always high on drugs. Most of the time, I was not even aware of myself and what I was doing. I know my excuses and shitty reasons don't justify what I did but I mean it when I say I need you" he kissed my knuckles his dark eyes holding my gaze.

  "I'll do anything but I just want you. I am getting this second chance and I'll never let you down Rebecca Brooks". He kissed my knuckles again and his lips lingered there for a while and my inner goddess was loving it.

And at this point, I don't even know what to believe.
My brain warns me every time but my hearts pray for him to keep his promise.

I jerked my hand away getting away from him.

"What I said about not touching and kissing me" I pointed and he raked his hairs.

"It's very difficult not to feel you, you know. But I'll try my best"