Before

Chapter 1.

The snow was falling, blanketing the concrete as he sat alone in the parking lot. His hands were gripping the steering wheel of his old Ford Capri and he could barely see straight, let alone think straight. How could he have done this? How did it go so far so fast? He wasn't sure but he knew, he felt it deep down inside of himself that he shoudn't have done it and he knew that he would regret it. He already did.

She was supposed to be an easy target. A beautiful girl with an innocent smile and odd colored eyes that weren't supposed to hold meaning behind them. He wasn't supposed to fall in love with her and she wasn't supposed to make him want to be a better person. He thought that he was fine before, he was getting by just fine before he made the beautiful mistake of allowing her to become his entire world. He loved her though, he loved her so much that he was terrified of losing her, for losing her meant losing himself and he couldn't stand to lose anything after going his entire life without something to lose.

As his fingers gripped harder and his knuckles turned white against the black steering wheel, his thoughts became more jumbled. He became more irrational and desperate and he realized in that moment, with the silence of the empty lot drowning his fears, that he would do anything, absolutely anything to keep her forever.

......

THREE MONTHS PRIOR..

The last few days of summer break is always the best. Everyone is fucking frantic, living out their last minute summer plans and wishes. The parties get more crowded, the girls get more wild and even I can't fucking wait for the semester to start. Not because I'm some idiotic freshman, excited for the wondrous world of University. No, because if I play my cards right, I'll be graduating in the Spring, a full year ahead of time.

Not bad for a delinquent no one assumed would even attend university. My mum was so terrified for my future that she sent me half across the damn world to the grand state of Washington to live near my father. She used the bullshit excuse that she wanted me to "reconnect" with him, but I wasn't fooled. I knew she simply couldn't and didn't want to put up with my shit anymore, so here I am.

"Are you almost done?" Pink hair and swollen lips look up at me from between my legs. I had nearly forgotten she was here..

"Yeah," I wrap my hands around her shoulders and close my eyes, letting the physical pleasure she's giving me take over. A distraction, that's what she is. They all are.

The pressure in my spine builds, I try to pretend that I enjoy her company for more than sexual pleasure as I release into her warm mouth. Seconds later, she's wiping at her lips with the back of her hand and standing to her feet.

"You know," Molly reaches for her purse and pulls out a tube of lipstick. "You could at least pretend to be interested, asshole."

"I am," I clear my throat. "Pretending that is." I taunt her. She rolls her eyes and raises her middle finger to me. I am interested, sexually at least. She's a good enough fuck, and she's okay company sometimes.

"Dick," she mutters, pushing the cap back on her makeup. She looked better with naturally pink lips, lips that were swollen from having my cock in her mouth.

Molly is an acquaintance of mine. Well, friend with benefits I would say.. Our "friendship" isn't exclusive, not in the least, and we both have full freedom to do whatever, or whoever the fuck we want. She hates me half the time but I'm okay with that. It's mutual.

The rest of our friends give us shit about it, but it works. I'm bored and she's here, she gives good head, and she doesn't stay around long after. Perfect situation for me, and her too, it seems.

"You'll be here tonight, for the party?" She asks.

I stand too, pulling my boxers and jeans up my legs. "I live here, don't I?" I raise a brow at her. I hate it here and daily I find myself wondering just how the fuck I ended up in a fraternity?

My shit bag sperm donor. That's how. Ken Scott is a grade A fuck up, the worst type. Alcoholic fuck-head my entire childhood, only to magically turn his life around and probably remarry some lady with a son only two years younger than me.

His do-over, I suppose. He gets a fucking do-over and I get to be in a stupid ass fraternity at the college he's basically in charge of. The stupid ass fraternity does have it's perks I guess. A massive house with parties almost every night, a constant stream of endless pussy, and the best part of all, no one fucks with me.

None of the piss ant frat boys seem to mind the fact that I don't do shit to actually represent the house. I don't wear their stupid sweatshirts or plaster their stupid bumper stickers on my car. I don't participate in any of the volunteer shit, and I sure as hell don't go around yelling the name of the shit. They do some okay shit for the community, but when you don't give a fuck about the community, none of that matters.

When I glance around the room, it's empty. Molly must have left without me even noticing. I grab my phone and keys from the empty bookshelf in the corner of the unoccupied room and open the window to let some air in the place before I plan to use it again tonight. All of these empty rooms in the house work in my favor, I can't stand to have people in my room. It's too personal or something, I don't know but I don't like it and everyone has learned one way or another, not to go into my room.

As I turn the key into the lock, Logan stumbles down the hall, a short curly-haired girl under his arm. She isn't quiet about what she wants to do to him and I'm not quiet about my disgust.

"Get a damn room," I shout to them. She giggles and he flicks me off. That's the pattern around here. Everyone sort of ignores me or simply tells me in one way or another, to fuck off. I'm okay with that, I don't care for people anyway. I'd much rather sit here, in my room, alone, waiting for the next artificial high.

My fingers trace over the dusty shelves of my bookcase. I can't decide which novel I feel like living right now, Hemingway maybe? He can give me a good dose of cynical. Bronte? I could use a dysfunctional bullshit love story right now. I reach for Wuthering Heights and kick my boots off before I lay in my bed.

I don't know what it is about this novel that brings me to read and reread it so many damn times, but I always find myself skimming the pages of the dark tale. It's fucked up really, two people coming together then falling part, destroying themselves and everyone around them because they were too selfish and stubborn to get their shit together.

To me, that's the best type of fucking story. I want to feel something while I'm reading and sappy, roses and sunshine novels make me want to vomit on their pages and burn away the evidence afterward.

"Fuck, yes." I hear a female voice screech through the paper thin walls.

"Shut the fuck up!" I pound my fist against the old wood, grabbing my pillow and pushing it against my ears.

One more fucking year. One more year of bullshit courses and easy exams. One more year of boring parties full of people who care way too much of what everyone thinks about them. One more god damn year of keeping to myself and I can get my ass back to London where I belong.

(Eek! I've missed writing so much and I've been busy with the After published version stuff, it feels so amazing to be back writing on the orange screen hah! I missed you all and I hope you love Before:) There will be new scenes, some "other POV's etc, so get ready :) What have you been up to the last month? I feel like it's been way longer haha! xo)