Fix Me // Jamilton

Chapter 2: Starbucks, Apologies, and Explanations

AUTHORS NOTE: Two chapters in one day? Holy crap! I'm just writing and trying to update as often as possible. Sorry if everything is slow, I really want to develop the story. And don't worry, the SoulMate stuff WILL come more in a while! Enjoy!!
Trigger warnings: mentions of anxiety, depression, self harm, anorexia, insomnia, PTSD, and bullying.
- ALEXANDERS POV -
The drive to Starbucks was silent. I think Jefferson was afraid to talk, afraid to startle me again. After texting my friends to let them know I was ok- or, rather, ok as I could have been after a panic attack and cutting. The car swerved suddenly and I realized we were just pulling into the parking lot.

"Sorry if I scared you, Hamilton. Are you alright?" Jefferson broke the silence by asking.

"Yeah. Much better now that all this has passed." I reply, my voice unexpectedly choppy because of my dry throat.

It was all that crying. What a wonderful way to start out. Now he probably thinks I'm a crybaby or something.

"Let's head inside. Don't worry, I'll buy all our drinks and food and whatever. It's the least I can do." He said, almost equally matching my quietness. He opens his door and I do the same. Together we walk to the entrance, and he pulls the door open for me. I nod in thanks.

"What'll you two gentlemen have today?" A girl with a nametag that reads Sally H. asks us. Jefferson nods at me to say Incan go first.

"I'll have a venti hot Carmel Macchiato with a shot of espresso, and a turkey and cheese sandwich, please." I tell her.

"And you, sir?" She asks Jefferson.

"A venti Sweet Tea and Roasted Tomato and Mozzarella Panini, dear." He says. There's that Southern charm. Wait, did I just say he has charm? What?

Thom- wait no, Jefferson, pulls me gently to a table after telling Sally our names. We find a two seated table and sit down.

"Listen, I know you're afraid of me. I know I made your life actual hell. I know I put on the note I wanted to be friends. I wasn't lying. I want to fix all my mistakes, Hamilton. I'm sorry." Jefferson spills out a few seconds upon getting to the table.
I don't know how to respond. It seemed so heartfelt, so true.

But is it, Alexander? Is it really true? Does he actually care, want to be friends?

No. He means it. He has to mean it. He's changed. He saved me from myself today.

"Thank you. I- I want the same. If we're going to be roommates for 4 years, we might as well get along. And, I never did thank you for earlier. I can't help it sometimes, the anxiety, depression just takes over." I say, after a beat of silence.

He nods. I like that. It isn't like people saying, I know how it is, in regards to depression or anxiety or anything. Because they don't know. They give you a false believe that they do. And at some point, they'll just stop caring.

Just like Dad did. I think to myself. I shudder slightly and push my dead beat father out of my head. I don't want him here.

Our names get called and we pick up our food and drinks, carrying them back to the table. I take a sip of coffee, pushing my exhaustion away. Jefferson nibbled a bit at his panini. I don't eat all that much, but I was hungry. I picked up my sandwich and ate some, happy to have something more substantial than coffee and toast, which was what I ate a lot. Suddenly, I get an idea. I decide, it's now or never, this could be the start.

"Jefferson? I was wondering if you would maybe like to go hangoutwithmyfriendsandIinhalfanhour?" I said the end quickly, hoping I wouldn't get rejected. Jefferson looked surprised when I asked him, but didn't have a look of disgust on his face.