Fix Me // Jamilton

Chapter 3: Writing and Wishes

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of anxiety, depression and self harm.
- ALEXANDERS POV -
Thomas and I walked out of the part a few hours later. Since we didn't want to get busted our first night of college, there was no alcohol, but a lot of soda and everyone was sugared up. But for once, I was actually tired.

We opened up the dorm and stepped inside. Thomas and I walked down the hallway and stopped outside my room, which was first. I contemplated asking him if he would stay with me and just lay there for the night, keeping me warm. Instead, he actually pulled me into a hug and said

"Goodnight Alexander. I'm sorry again." He mumbled into my hair. The 6'0 Virginian walked away slightly red, leaving me confused and sort of excited. Before I went to bed I decided to write to my SoulMate. I hadn't talked to them for a while and I felt bad about cutting, since it effected them too.

Dear Soulmate,
I'm sorry about earlier today. I have pretty bad anxiety and depression and I cut quite a bit. I was so selfish I forgot it impacts you. I hope this doesn't ruin anything for us.
~ SoulMate <3

I finished writing and capped the green pen until my SoulMate wrote back. I was excited to see what they would say. I really hope I didn't crush their dreams of having a normal SoulMate, aka one without anxiety or depression or self harm issues. I feel a little poke on my are and realize my SoulMate responded! They said:

My Dearest, SoulMate,
I'm so sorry to hear about your self harm and depression and anxiety issues. Trust me, love, it doesn't change a thing about what I think about you. I actually have a friend going through pretty much the same thing right now. It's not good. I hope I can meet you soon, darling. I'm going to bed now, but I love you.
~ SoulMate <3

I squealed after reading the magenta ink on my arm. My SoulMate wanted to meet me! They didn't care I was struggling and they wanted to help me get through it. They had experience too, a friend going through the same. I quickly scribbled a goodnight note, stating that I was going to sleep as well.

I rubbed my arm gently as I lay in top of my bed. I couldn't stop thinking about my SoulMate. I was excited. I knew as son as I woke up, I was going to write a note to them. My last thought before sleep was not about a SoulMate though. It was of Jefferson. He really did save me from myself today. I could have caused more damage to myself than I did.

- THOMAS' POV -
Alexander and I walked home in silence from the party. We seemed as though the only two, besides James Madison, who weren't high on sugar and potato chips. Unlocking the door, I ushered Hamilton inside. It was cool out and I didn't want him getting sick after all that had happened. We walked together down the hallway, stopping at his door. I surprised myself and embraced him.

"Goodnight Alexander. I'm so sorry." I added the end genuinely, because I wanted him to know I meant it. I don't want to let go. I started lowering my hands, but Alex kept his on my torso a bit longer. I could tell he didn't want to let go either. I nearly asked if he wanted to come and just lay in my bed with me, for warmth and comfort and so he could find peace in me at some point.

Wait. Am I crushing on Alexander Hamilton? This can't be happening, but I think it is. Screw it. I have a crush on Alexander freaking Hamilton.

I walked away with a small blush on my cheeks upon realizing my feelings toward the Caribbean man. I couldn't stop thinking about it though, even after I had thrown myself onto my bed. I lay thinking until I felt a small pinch on my arm. My SoulMate! Just because I liked Alexander doesn't mean I wasn't excited about my SoulMate. I waited and green ink began to be viewable on my arm. It read:

Dear Soulmate,
I'm sorry about earlier today. I have pretty bad anxiety and depression and I cut quite a bit. I was so selfish I forgot it impacts you. I hope this doesn't ruin anything for us.
~ SoulMate <3

I gasped. My SoulMate thought I wouldn't like them because of their self harm issues. It seemed like Alexander and not wanting to be with me for the same reason. I snatched up a magenta pen from my desk and scribbled a response on my arm, right below the note my other had written me.

My Dearest, SoulMate,
I'm so sorry to hear about your self harm and depression and anxiety issues. Trust me, love, it doesn't change a thing about what I think about you. I actually have a friend going through pretty much the same thing right now. It's not good. I hope I can meet you soon, darling. I'm going to bed now, but I love you.
~ SoulMate <3

I meant it. Even though my heart was partially Alexanders, I couldn't help but feel a love for my SoulMate. I drifted off to sleep holding the note covered arm, but not forgetting my beautiful Alexander. God, I wish he was mine. Gorgeous brown hair flowing to his shoulders, bright blue eyes that shone when he was proud of something or with his friends. His stature of 5'6 was perfect. Being 6 inches taller, I could lift him up, rest my chin on his head, and he could lean his against my shoulder.

God, Thomas, stop with the fantasies! He'll never want you. You both have a SoulMate. But what if --

My head spun at the thought of Alex and I being SoulMates. The notes fade after 24 hours. I could ask to see his arm. Or pretend to be all happy at breakfast and tell him I wrote to my SoulMate. I'll figure it out.

AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry this chapter is so short, I'm trying to make it so it has a lot of depth to it but I struggle with writers block! If you have any ideas or tips for me, please comment!! Thank you so much for reading.
Word Count: 1077 words