For the Road

14

"What?" Louis glances up at his girlfriend, probably ex-girlfriend at this point, and sees how shocked she looks. He instantly regrets it. He wishes he could go back and eat his words and keep this a secret a while longer.

"Uh... yeah. I've been thinking about it for a while and I think I'm into... guys," Louis stammers. He feels awkward as he looks at Eleanor. He expects her to stand and slap him or something like they do in the movies, but she doesn't.

He's been dating Eleanor for years now and she's stood by him through thick and thin. So, the last thing he wants to do is break her heart like this, and he wouldn't do this if he wasn't sure it's what he feels. The idea's been floating around Louis' head for months now and only recently has he decided that he's, probably, gay. Louis' kiss with Harry has shown Louis that he'd rather be with guys.

"Oh. Okay, that's not something I expected. How long have you been thinking about it?" Louis takes a seat on her bed and runs a hand through his hair.

"Before the North American leg of the tour. I started catching myself finding guys attractive. I pushed it away at first, but then the desire got stronger. I was so confused over it all. I'm just scared because I still found you attractive and I still wanted to do things with you, but now I'm not even interested. It's... really pathetic and I feel like shit for doing this to you," Louis explains. Getting his inner most thoughts off his chest feels like a weight's being lifted off of him, the feeling only being replaced by a sheet of anxiety.

"Have you ever been with a guy or have done things with guys before? I won't get mad if you have," Eleanor reassures him. Louis pauses and closes down as he remembers what he has done. He feels bad about it now, but at the time he could have cared less.

"Shit, oh god. You're doing-doing, so... Jesus this is... uh."

"Yes." The word weighs Louis down as he admits it. He feels gross and disgusted about it now. How could he have done that to Eleanor? She's been nothing but sweet and helpful towards him and this was how he repaid her?

"How far did you go? I... I'm not trying to make you feel awkward. I would just feel better... knowing. I want to help you, Louis, and not as in converting you or anything. I want to be there for you."

His hand feels good on Louis. Louis feels like he's given into an addiction that he's been repressing for far too long, an addiction he doesn't even know he has.

"He... we uh... we jerked off together a few times, and he gave me a few hand-jobs. I think a blow-job once, but it's uh... kind of fuzzy in my head." Louis runs a hand through his hair.

He reached his hand up and ran it through the younger boy's brown hair. He tries imagining his girlfriend, but it's so much better thinking about the boy. He'd never forget this. The moments he had shared with the boy in front of him were important to Louis.

"So, are you breaking up with me? I'm fine with you doing that. I love you, Louis, and that means knowing when to let you go. We can still be friends, though, right?" Louis looks at Eleanor, overcome with relief. Eleanor's opinions mean the most to him and knowing that she's accepting of him means the world.

"Actually, there's more," Louis continues.

The boy only wants to help Louis. He wants to help Louis sort through his feelings and sexual frustrations. His lips are like heaven as they make their way down Louis' neck, on his chest, on his stomach...

"What else could there be," Eleanor questions. Her eyebrows knit into a worried expression. Louis debates on continuing, but he decides to anyway. If he's going to confess everything, he might as well confess everything.

"I kissed someone at the wedding. It wasn't sexual, but I liked it. I really like him, Eleanor. I'm sorry. He just... we were standing so close and it just kind of happened. I don't know, it's confusing. I've only thought of guys sexually before, but kissing him made me realize that I want a relationship with him."

Louis was horny, and he had offered to help. He led Louis to an empty room and locked the door. That was the first-time Louis exposed himself to a guy.

"So, you're breaking up with me? It's obvious you want to date him. Is he the same guy you were with?"

Louis feels guilty. The brown eyes make eye contact with Louis and it pushes him over the edge.

"No. The guy I kissed isn't the same guy. He's someone else. I don't have romantic feelings for the guy I was with," Louis explains.

"Louis, I have a girlfriend who I love a lot. I can't have a romantic relationship with you. If we continue this, it can only be sexual. I hope you say yes, because you're one of the hottest guys I know."

"I know it's a lot to ask, but I need your help," Louis starts.

"I need you, please. Your hand is so good, so much better than mine. Kiss me, please, I need your lips."

"Anything, Louis," Eleanor answers.

Louis feels bad about asking Eleanor for anything after this. She's already done so much for him. Her acceptance with everything if more than Louis could ever ask for.

"I need you to be my beard. I'm not ready to come out yet and everyone already knows that we're dating. Nobody would suspect anything if we were still together," Louis explains.

Louis looks out the small window of the vehicle as they speed down the highway. The brown-eyed boy below him works on him and Louis feels his stomach tightens.

"Yeah, okay. I'll do it. I just want to know who. Who do you want to be in a relationship with," Eleanor asks. Louis can feel himself starting to blush. He's never said the boy's name out loud before, not like this anyway. He feels like he's back in school with a silly little crush.

"Harry," Louis breathes. He doesn't realize how much he wants it until now. He's been repressing his feelings towards the boy in fear of what someone would think. After the kiss, Louis can't hold back his feelings. They consume him. He can't imagine not being able to kiss Harry again or be around him. It's scary.

Louis does his pants back up and gives the boy another look. He stands a little taller than Louis, but Louis doesn't mind. Louis pulls the boy towards him and plants a kiss on his neck. "Not too hard, Sophia won't like it."

"I like it. Thank you for helping me again. You work wonders. Sophia's lucky to have you." Louis looks into the eyes of the guy who, only Moments ago, was touching him so intimately.

"Louis? Liam? I'm starting the movie with or without you, so you better hurry up," Niall calls. Louis looks into his band-mate's eyes and smiles.

"Do you mind if I sleep on the couch? It's too late to go home now," Louis explains. Eleanor gives a small nod and Louis stands. He's grateful that she's willing to help him.

When he gets to the couch he pulls out his phone and opens Instagram. He figures he needs to clear the air now that Eleanor and he are no longer together. It doesn't take long to get to the boy's profile and start a new conversation with him.

LouisTomlinson:

I broke up with Eleanor, but you can't tell anyone. The kiss made me admit to myself that I like you more than a friend. I like you, a lot actually. Hope you're willing to try something with me. I'm sorry if I messed everything up. 

~_~_~

Hey guys! Makes sure to check out the last part if you haven't already! Thoughts? We have more than 600 reads on this book and I could not be happier! Shoutout to transformashawn for participating in the character ask! Thanks so much for everything and I really hope you enjoyed! ~B

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