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lea | alec
oh my god, alec.
what's wrong, lea?
i heard about your mother.
that guy never shuts up, does he?
that is terrible. what actually happened back there?
it's a rather uncomfortable story.
do you not want to talk about it?
what do you want to know?
why would she do that to herself? has something been bothering her lately?
she's been suffering from depression for quite a while. things aren't really great at work and the divorce is another fucking mess. she tried to talk about it with my dad but he wasn't willing to work on their relationship which only made things worse.
i'm so sorry. i really am.
why didn't you tell me, alec? i wouldn't have judged.
wait, that was why you didn't show up today at the coffee shop.
yes.
i came home from one of my friends' only to see my mom trying to slit her wrist with a knife, lea. that's not something a person usually sees when one walks into the house. i was terrified.
she was crying. she was crying so hard, her eyeballs were going to pop out. i had to stop her. that wasn't what she deserved. just because a dick of my father is lazy enough to be there for her, she doesn't get to kill herself. for a while, i thought my mom was the strongest person i've ever known but i guess even the strongest people feel weak in the worst of times.
so, i took her out. i took her out to the park where she could breathe a breath of fresh air and we talked. we talked a lot. a long time in a while. i never really had the feeling to be there for someone, but this time i did. i wanted to be there for my mom. i couldn't watch her kill herself in front of me. that's not something every child dreams of.
i'm so sorry, alec. that is a terrible thing to happen to a person.
now, i feel really awful. i was mad at you for standing me up on a stupid, lame date when you were actually going through something this painful. i feel awful. humiliated, to be honest.
hey, don't blame yourself for that. i would've done the same thing if i were you.
why didn't you tell me, alec? did you not want me to know or something?
not like that, lea. the only reason i didn't tell you was that i was..embarrassed.
my life's a fucking embarrassing mess right now. the last thing i would do is drag you into it.
but you kind of already do.
maybe i'm selfish. maybe i do want you in my life.
how do you do this?
how do i do what?
how do you manage to smile even when you're going through things this scary?
would things get too cheesy if i told you that you're the reason i smile?
i know i called you amazing, wonderful and all the other words in the dictionary but no word can wholly describe who you really are. you're the best person i've ever known, alec.
are you saying these words to simply make me feel better? but, thank you anyway.
i mean it.
you see, i ran away from things. lots of things. my dad. connor. i couldn't face the reality of life. it's too heavy a burden to carry. i can never be strong like you are.
but, you came back, didn't you? that's all that matters, lea. running away doesn't make you weak. you're just scared to face reality. if i should be honest, you're one of the strongest persons i've ever known. you don't just hold on to your problems. you embrace them.
you still talk to connor, the guy who cheated on you. do you really think i talk to harper right now? there's a huge amount of rage between us that i don't think will ever disappear. but, look at you. you forgave him. you gave him another chance. that needs strength.
whatever you say, alec. i'll never be like you.
you're like you and that's why i like you ;)
why do you even like me? i'm nothing, alec.
lea, you don't get it. you're everything right now.
stop it, alec. my eyes are sweating.
i'm so sorry, haha.
it was only today i knew what it felt like to lose a parent. no one deserves to lose a parent. but you did lose one, lea. and, you seriously wonder why i call you strong.
it is terrible. no one deserves to lose someone they love.
you know, if we were in person, i would've pulled you by the collar and kissed you so freaking hard right now. my feelings for you have been multiplied yet an infinite number of times.
your honesty is refreshing.
and, i'm not scared to say that my heart has blown up to the size of texas right now.
i'm glad to know i'm not the only one.
lea, you can never be the only one in the two of us.
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A/N: Tissues anyone?
This chapter was the hardest to write and I couldn't finish it without getting teary-eyed. This is the closest I've gotten to my characters and that's why it's so dear to me. What are your thoughts on the chapter?
