Dead Leaves [Discontinued]

[5] Meeting Dr. Alexis

"Liv, hello. I'm Dr. Alexis. I'll be your doctor during your stay here at Auxilius."

Liv hesitated for a moment, then accepted the outreached hand by the doctor. Liv gave a limp shake before pulling away and sitting down in her seat. In front of her was the woman Liv would have to meet and cooperate with to leave Auxilius.

The problem was, cooperating meant talking, and Liv wasn't sure she could do that yet.

"Your name is Liv Marshall, correct?" Dr. Alexis asked as she glanced up from a file with Liv's name on it. "You're an only child, and your parents are Daniel and Kayla Marshall."

Liv nodded once. Did this count as cooperating?

"It says here that your parents found you with a blade in your hand," Dr. Alexis continued, closing the file and reaching for a notebook and pen. "And you had stopped talking a few weeks prior. Could you tell me what you were thinking during that time?"

I was going to do it, Liv thought as she blinked at Dr. Alexis. I was going to kill myself. But then I realized that killing myself would be the easy way out. I had to stay alive to be punished. I was going to put the blade away when my mom found me.

"Alright," Dr. Alexis nodded to herself after she figured out Liv wasn't going to answer. "You can wait to tell me that later. Let's try something a little easier -- do you have any hobbies?"

Hobbies? Liv almost laughed out loud at the idea. She used to have a hobby or two, but that had stopped after Vera killed herself. Now, what hobby did she deserve to have? Hobbies were for people who wanted to pass the time with pleasure; Liv didn't deserve any pleasure in her life.

"Your grades were decent in school," Dr. Alexis continued, looking back at the file.

Liv felt her body stiffen at the mention of that place.

"You excelled in Math and English," Dr. Alexis commented, still looking down. "The two subjects I was most terrible at, in my high school years." She looked up to smile at Liv, but a small crease suddenly formed between her eyebrows.

"You can relax, Liv," Dr. Alexis said, the crease between her eyebrows suddenly gone. "I won't force you to talk today. I'll ask you some questions, and you can answer if you feel like talking, but don't be too pressured to answer them. Relax."

Liv forced herself to loosen her body as she stared intently at the right corner of Dr. Alexis' desk. It was very brown and sharp and corner-y.

"What was it like to be in high school?"

Of all the things Dr. Alexis chose to talk about. . . .

"I'm sure it was very different from my day," Dr. Alexis commented, leaning back in her seat. "The popular kids are the ones with a lot of money, the ones on sports teams or cheerleading, right?"

Liv inhaled sharply. She made a fist with her right hand at the mention of popular kids. Dr. Alexis was right, but she missed one more, important, defining characteristic: They were all stuck-up, selfish bitches who did whatever they wanted, regardless of what others thought or wanted, jusy for the sake of their own pleasure.

"Do you enjoy writing?"

Liv glanced up at Dr. Alexis. She held out a small notebook with a light blue cover with a small drawing in the center. She shook the notebook slightly in Liv's direction so she had no choice but to unclench her fist and accept the notebook.

"It says in your folder that you're not too comfortable with speaking, at the moment," Dr. Alexis noted, "but have you ever tried writing? You can write down what you want to say to people."

Liv placed the notebook back on Dr. Alexis' desk. If she could write down what she wanted to tell people, not speaking would be pointless; she might as well just speak.

Dr. Alexis shook her head and placed the notebook back on Liv's lap. "No, keep it. You can still write in it, even if you won't show it to people. Consider it a journal or diary. No one will read it, so you can write whatever you wish in it, whether it's your thoughts, stories, poems, essays, or whatever."

A journal? Liv ran a finger around the spine of the notebook. She traced a nail over the cover, the motion letting out a small scratching sound as she did so. She had once tried to keep a diary of some sorts, when she was in elementary or middle school, but that had been a long time ago, and she had always given up writing in it after a few days.

"It must be hard to not talk at all," Dr. Alexis continued. "If there's ever a time when you wanted to tell someone, but you couldn't, you can write it down in there.

"I won't read or look at the notebook if you don't want me to," Dr. Alexis added, "so I'm going to have to trust you. Can I trust you to write in the journal every day?"

Liv kept her attention on the cover, observing it closely. The background was light blue, and in the center was a drawing of a boy and girl sitting together. The caption underneath it read, "Let's be friends."

"I'm going to trust you, Liv. You seem like a good person."

You're wrong, Liv thought forecefully, her eyes hardening. I'm not a good person. A good person would help someone who was being bullied. A good person would stop the bully.

She then let out a breath, trying to soften her eyes. Stay calm, she thought to herself. Liv opened the journal to distract herself from her thoughts. There were mostly just lines throughout the pages, but some of them had quotes written on the sides or pictures drawn on the bottom.

One in particular caught her eye.

There was a group mixed with boys and girls. They had their arms around each other and all were smiling. For a second, Liv unwillingly remembered high school and her old group of which she had thought of as her friends.

"I hope you write in the notebook, Liv," Dr. Alexis said. "I think it'll help you a lot."

Help?

Then, the bell rang.

"Well, that's all for today, Liv," Dr. Alexis said with a smile. "It was a pleasure meeting with you today."

Was it really?

Dr. Alexis stood up from behind her desk. "Come on, I'll walk you out." She stepped to the door first, waiting for Liv to follow.

Liv also finally stood up, but not before glancing at the notebook on Dr. Alexis' desk. It was closed, but the pencil placed in between the pages allowed Liv to see the edge of the paper, which was filled with words. Now, Liv normally wouldn't have minded, but she hadn't said a word throughout the entire session. What could Dr. Alexis have written?

________

A/N: I'm so sorry this is so short, compared to the other chapters. It's just that school has been hard for me lately. 😔 I'll try to add more later.