21.

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21.

My heart hammered in my chest as he sang me the words. Did he mean it or was it just part of the song? What was he really, truly thinking?

I flickered my eyes down to the table and watched my fidgeting thumbs. I broke eye contact which I really did need to do. I couldn't look at him as he danced with his mother and sang the words I wanted him to tell me.

What if he didn't love me? He was with me, but Nick wasn't used to love and what this whole relationship entailed. Neither was I, but I was sure on my feelings, I wasn't on his.

Once the song had finished, Nick's mother flung herself on to the sofa as she giggled like a school girl. Nick laughed with her and I had never seen him look so happy before. It also seemed as if his mother had never seen him look so happy before either.

"You seem different, Nicky." She said, her voice a little breathless. Nick looked to her and even though he smiled her way, his face was still one of confusion.

"How?"

"You seem happier."

Nick didn't say a word as he went to the dining room table and started to clean the plates and cutlery away. His mother had barely touched her food but Nick didn't seem to have minded, I guessed she barely ate at all.

I helped Nick tidy up and we worked in synchronisation and harmony. It was nice to work along side him, exactly like an old couple. It made me think that this was what I wanted and that I could have gotten used to it, easily.

Once everything was tidied, Nick and I sat down on the sofa next to Nick's mother. Nick switched the TV on and wrapped an arm around my body. Nick pulled me close and laid a kiss to my head.

We all watched a film together but half way through the film, Nick's mother had fallen asleep. Nick picked her frail body up with care and gentleness and laid her in to his bed.

Once he was back, he sat on the sofa next to my body and sighed. I looked to him but he seemed nervous as he sat there.

"Nick?" I said his name to grab his attention. He seemed zoned out and distracted with his thoughts. I wondered what was eating him. "What's the matter?" I asked, starting to worry at the look on his face.

"Nothing." He sighed again. I narrowed my eyes his way.

"Why do you look nervous?"

"I'm not nervous." He shook his head.

"Nick." I warned. "Tell me." I demanded.

"Nothing's the matter." He snapped. Taken a back, I looked to him.

"Jesus, Nick. I don't want you angry with me I just wanted to-"

"I want you to move in with me." He snapped again. "I'm fucking shitting myself because I know this is getting serious and I want you to move in with me because I don't want you over there especially when they make surprise visits." He laid his hands to his head. "I've never asked a girl to move in before."

"Do you really want this or are you asking because you're worried about him being near me?" I asked. I didn't want to move in with him if he didn't deep down want this. I wanted him to want it so badly, I wanted him to want me here because he couldn't live without me. I didn't want it to be because he was scared. I understood but it wasn't going to work otherwise.

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