blue ✓

thirty eight

harry

The love pill, better known as ecstasy I suppose. It started with dilated pupils, perhaps my eyes became the forest they resembled and now they were thick and dark, overwhelmed with night skies and pine needles. I blinked but they remained wide, a blackness swirling around the centre of my vision while my sight became hazy.

I looked to Richard, his normally chocolate toned eyes were almost black and then he smiled so widely I thought his jaw would break. White teeth and a crooked smile.

In the passing moments, I felt a rush down my throat and into my stomach, it somehow extended through my limbs and then into my veins, kind of like the roots of a tree. Euphoria warmed my blood and bones, all bitter tastes forgotten. It was this pure ecstasy that made me feel like I was on top of the world tonight, it reminded me of what it felt like the first time I kissed Lola, only better, stranger as the room spun with my laughing friends.

For what felt like hours, I was on an extreme high, more and more people joined us upstairs and it felt other worldly as the best of music played with my heart thumping. The room around me became a isolated universe, but it felt like the best place in the world for a little while. My mind created a portrait of reality that I didn't quite understand, it was like the images I created in my mind were speaking other languages, painting a new world through the bright colours and perfect edges. It was as though this entire world was shoved into the depths of my brain, colours and paintings and blue eyes all spiralled around inside and made a galaxy appear before me.

I watched my friends and burst out laughing, only it echoed with the voices around me. I finally sit back down, laughing. A psychedelic dream state inside this reality I wasn't quite sure was actually there, but it made me forget those painful memories inside my mind–I needed that. I forgot the hurt, the guilt and the anxiety that pulsed through my veins. It was all gone, like a brand new canvas that I could now create better images on, more colours and more love.

But eventually this euphoric state would come to a crashing halt, with my body collapsing to the floor with it. My muscles tensed against my burning skin, like they were imploring to relax–but something was forcing them to strain inside my limbs. I felt my teeth clench tightly with the vile rising from my stomach, like acid bubbling inside my belly, almost like boiling water inside a kettle.

I kicked my legs and pushed myself back until I hit the wall with the back of my head and spine, and that's when all eyes looked down at me.

"You okay, Styles?" I didn't know who's voice that was, but I wanted to scream that I wasn't okay. Though my mouth was too dry, my body trembling too harshly against the rough walls caving in around me.

"He's just tripping," another said.

"Oi Harry," who were all these people?

"Calm down, Harry."

"Just take deep breaths."

I shook my head vigorously and somehow the rigid movements stopped the spinning going on inside my head. I held my own hand and squeezed both of them tightly together until I felt my nails dig into the skin of my knuckles. The pain wouldn't surface, but I knew it was hurting me, I knew it would of made me scream if I was in a normal state of mind right now. I decided to just focus on the voices, trying to get back to the reality they were inside of.

"Harry, calm down!" A voice yelled. It pierced my ears and made my blood run ice cold.

I trembled in my skin as I stood up, I wasn't sure how I did it but my legs moved and my feet dragged against the wooden floors, into the bathroom across the hall way and into safety. I locked the door behind me–at least I thought I did, in my mind–the words nagged at me as I fell to the cold tiles, but I couldn't be sure. I wasn't sure of anything right now, except that my heart was beating to harshly against my chest, and my mind spun too quickly which made my stomach hurt.