to all the glowing eyes ✎ joshler

december 17 pt. 3

tyler sighs as he feels like floating.

he's laying in his bed, waiting for josh to get out of the shower after a long day together. they got caught in the rain as they came back from downtown, leaving both of them soaked. they each decided to take showers separated to warm up. tyler finished first in his own bathroom and already has a new set of pajamas on.

to pass the time, he checks his phone for any texts or calls he didn't answer while out. he sees that awsten called him twice without leaving a voicemail. a sudden guilt falls to his heart when he realizes what he's been doing. he promised to call awsten at least once per week. he hasn't done that yet. he swallows, heavy breaths taking over as he presses his date's number.

it rings three times before awsten picks up. "hello?"

the voice sounds oddly comforting. "hey, awsten. i'm sorry i couldn't pick up before. i had my phone on silent. how's christmas with your family so far?" it's not a lie, so it doesn't hurt him as much as it should.

"it's alright. i wanted to hear your voice, that's all. it's so boring here. i've been wrapping so many presents. i don't wanna see any more wrapping paper for the next year."

tyler chuckles. he really misses having his company. no wonder tyler has a huge crush on him, right? "that sucks. but at least your present's on a bag."

"yours is wrapped because i hate myself. anyway how have you been? any exciting news from the bakery?"

"...nope. nothing exciting. it's just been me and jenna."

"awe. well, maybe when i come back we can do something fun. we could go on that second date i mentioned."

tyler fake laughs and clears his throat. "yeah. of course. i gotta go now, but i'll call you in a few days, okay? love you."

"okay. say hi to jenna from me. love you too, ty. bye!" he hangs up without even saying a goodbye back. and with seemingly perfect timing, josh comes in with his beautiful curly hair still a little bit damp. he's wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, to tyler he looks really attractive right now.

"hey," josh smiles at him and closes the door, joining him on the bed afterwards, "this feels much better. that rain was cold as ice."

the younger boy nods. he can feel the guilt and shame crawling up his back. he's sure that josh knows about awsten thanks to his tumblr, but he doesn't seem to mind now. after all, they've kissed so that makes up for everything. "it was. i'd be surprised if we don't get sick."

"knock on wood, babe."

"b-babe?" the pet name takes tyler by surprise. he didn't think that they're on the stage of calling each other pet names.

"yeah. you don't want me calling you that?" he can basically hear the hurt in josh's voice as he says that.

"i just didn't know we were there yet. we just kissed, josh. it's not a big deal." oh but it is a big deal. at least to tyler it is. that'd been his first kiss; his first kiss ever had been with his first crush. the guy who took over his entire mind for months. but just when tyler was over him, he gets pulled back in. it's all overwhelming. he feels like garbage for lying to awsten and setting him aside for josh, the same josh that betrayed him and gave him enough reasons to leave his hometown.

all the plans he had to leave were mostly hypothetical. he wasn't actually going to leave until college arrived but josh lying to him was the drop that made me whole glass spill over. yeah, he's no better for avoiding telling his new crush the truth, but it's a white lie compared to the month long con.

"it's a big deal to me. i like you a lot, tyler. i've liked you ever since we first spoke, okay? even before that. you're the only person i've been able to think about for so long," his eyes are pleading, begging puppy eyes, "i think we could work. can you give me a chance?"

"a chance? what do you think i've been doing since you got here?"

"that's not what i mean. i'm talking about dating, about me liking you and you liking me back."

"i-i can't like you, josh! i had a hard time getting over you already. it was so hard, i don't even know how i did it in the first place. i don't wanna have to repeat that all over again!"

josh takes his hand and cups his left cheek with his other one. "please let me show you that you're wrong. give us a try... i swear you won't regret it."

"how are you so sure? do i need to remind you of how the first time went?"

"it's not gonna be like that. i promise you i'm not lying or anything. i do like you so much. it hurts me to not be with you. can't you just give me a chance? a real chance?"

"i... i don't know. i've changed. i'm not the same tyler you met. it hasn't been that long, i know, but i'm different. god! i'm on fucking meds and you don't even know that. you barely know anything about me... why do you still want to be with me?" tyler looks down, tears suddenly rolling down his cheeks. he doesn't know when those formed in his eyes.

the older of the two wipes said tears with his thumb and kisses tyler's forehead. "i know, but i want to get to know you. i want to see more of you. i'm in love with what i've seen already, i can only imagine how much more i'll love you after this. let me get to know you, please."

"what if you break my heart again?"

"i won't. i'd die if i ever hurt you again."

tyler's eyes keep watering as he stares longingly into his love's eyes. he smiles weakly when josh kisses his forehead once more. "okay... i trust you," he whimpers, completely forgetting about awsten. all that matters in his head is josh.

"thank you.. i swear on my heart that you won't regret it."

"i sure hope so."

"can i kiss you?"

"mhm." and with that, josh connects his lips to the younger boy's. it's a sweet kiss, a hopeful one. he cups his face with his right hand too now, deeping the kiss a little. tyler puts his arms around his neck, also pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.

when they pull apart, they can't help but blush. tyler's the one to start the kiss this time, and he doesn't seem to have any intention of letting go.

{🌹💌🌹}

when i say mediocre you say chapter. mediocre! chapter! mediocre! chapter! that's the spirit.

i really wanted to make this chapter better but my brain can't come up with anything better so ://. i wrote this in like an hour and 30 minutes idk the meh inspiration came to me. also this is late oops.

that's the lukewarm conclusion to the december 17th triology, yes all of this happens in one day, just morning, afternoon and night. i wanted the chapters to be more dramatic and stuff but i have the creative writing abilities of a 5 year old sorry about that. maybe if i edit this book i'll make them better idfk

uhh i guess this is dedicated to my baby girl, love ya beeshhhh.

thank you guys again for making this my most read book. i still can't fucking believe it.

that's all i guess k bye until further notice bc i gotta hide now since this chapter is so mediocre

see ya at some point idk

- alaska