The Girl That Care Forgot ✓

27 • Liberation

Eva walked into Home Econ with a fluttery feeling in her chest the next day.

It was new, this feeling that was coursing through her veins. The sensation of actually waiting for something… being eager and looking forward to a certain part of her day other than the dead of the night where she found oblivion in sleep.

She didn’t ever want it to go away.

“Alright, class?” Mrs Lenora clapped her hands together, and swept her eyes over the students settling down into their seats, her lips stretched into a wide smile.

Eva’s toes curled inwards in suppressed excitement for the commencement of this class, her bottom lip pulled in underneath her teeth as she waited along with the teacher for the students to settle down.

She was growing impatient though, fingers aching to just start with doing something that had become a sort of sanctuary to her. A part of her felt almost angry at how half of these students were disregarding the class— shrugging off something she was passionate about. Angry at making her wait for something she’d been looking forward to.

Eva had a good mind to just start off with the task handed to them, eyes drinking in the instructions written on the whiteboard in front of the classroom. But it wasn’t Eva’s place, was it? Did it matter she loved baking? She couldn’t just begin doing the project on her own— she had to wait for all of the others to settle. She had to wait for somebody else to start.

“Eva?”

Cornflower blue eyes snapped up to meet the light coloured ones of Mrs Lenora.

“Y-yes?” Eva sat up straighter, fingers curling into her palms as her palms coiled into fists.

“You can go ahead and start if you want to,” the teacher said with a smile. “You don’t have to wait.”

Eva blinked. “Oh,” was all she could say.

Mrs Lenora gave her a small nod and walked away, checking on another student who had a few questions.

Eva’s eyes tore away from watching the teacher’s retreating back and instead landed on the letters scribbled across the board— Basic White Bread Recipe— and the bulletin points below that acting like a guide to the students.

She took in the specific quantities, how everything was written with utmost accuracy, each ingredient displayed right down to its 0.05 millilitre and 0.05 gram.

Except Eva knew it didn’t work that way— this was her passion, not something to she allowed mathematics to limit to the very last decimal point. She needed to let herself drown in the task, let her senses go free with no restrictions. She had the hands of an expert, having lit the stove for the first time ever when she was a nine year old. And she knew she could do this with one hand tied behind her back and both eyes shut closed.

This was hers; this was Eva’s. Her safe place. And they weren’t going to dictate and control every microscopic inch of this too.

Erasing the contents of the board in her head, she focused completely on the ingredients and utensils laid out on her desk and began working her magic. She paid no mind to the students cussing around her as they accidentally poured too much or added too little into the measuring jugs. She didn’t need those; it came naturally to her now.

Eva couldn’t help the smug smile playing with the corners of her mouth as she went about mixing and kneading, a calm and serene cloud settling around her as she lost herself to time.

“What are you doing?”

Eva looked up to see Anna watching her from the desk towards the left of her own. She also noticed the neither Jessalyn nor Heather were with Anna.

“The same thing that you’re doing,” Eva replied, her hands never pausing even though her eyes were on Anna. A small spark of triumph lighted in her when she noticed the almost envious look the other girl’s eyes possessed.

“I’ve tried getting the starter to rise three times now, it’s not happening!”

Eva shrugged, “maybe you’re doing something wrong. The water could be too hot or—”

“Why is the water being too hot a problem? Shouldn’t the yeast rise faster?”

Eva snorted, “no, you idiot! That kills the yeast!”

As soon as the words left Eva’s mouth, her eyes widened and her lungs stopped working. It was as if someone had used a broomstick to knock away all the breath in her in one single gigantic sweep.

Blood pounding in her ears and heart dropping to the very pits of her stomach, she waited for the blow. She waited to be put in her place like she knew she deserved to be.

Eva had crossed a line today, and she was going to reap what she’d just sown.

“Jeez, fine. Calm the heck down. Not everyone here’s a pro at this damn thing,” Anna muttered, going back to minding her own business.

That was it? Eva wondered perplexedly.

That was it?

Where was the ‘watch your mouth, you good for nothing piece of shit’? Where was the ‘know your place, you insufferable little girl’?

Where was the fist against her cheek?

Slowly, the pounding in Eva’s ears decreased to a dull throb and her heart began its climb back up from her stomach to where it should be, within the safety of her ribcage.

Eva wondered, for a split second, if maybe it was okay for her to say something wrong once in a while. Maybe some people wouldn’t punish her for it.

Her eyes fell back down to her hands. Hands covered in flour and dusted with yeast, chunks of sticky dough clinging to her fingers.

She’d lost herself in the art of baking and that was both terrifying and liberating.

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Written on 15th August 2017
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