사랑하니까 (On the Wings of Love)

XII

Three days. Three precious days had passed since Jessica last saw Yoona. She sat at her desk, face expressionless, shoulders slumped, staring at the one and only name on her contact list in her phone. Yoona’s number was already engraved into her memory.

Her thumb lingered above the dial button for a few seconds but she eventually locked her phone, letting it fall onto the hard surface of the table with a clatter. She had been repeating this cycle for the umpteenth time the past couple of hours. Running her fingers through her hair, she sighed, inwardly glaring at herself for being such a coward.

“Just call her…” She muttered to herself, picking up her cell once more. But what would she say? Oh, come on, who was she kidding? She knew specifically what she was going to say. She was going to tell Yoona the truth.

I miss you. I want to hear your voice. I’m curious about how school’s going for you. I was wondering if you liked the rain. Everywhere I go reminds me of you. Most importantly, I love you, Yoongie. I love you so much.

These were the words she wanted to say. Despite all that, all she could do was just think about it. She was not sure what the girl’s reaction would be. She was not sure if the girl even cared anymore. She was just uncertain on so many levels about so many things. She thought it would have taken a lot of courage for her to love the girl but she was wrong.

Falling in love with Yoona was the easiest thing to do. It was forcing herself to fall out of love with the girl that required guts. Jessica resented herself for escaping her emotions and so carelessly pushing the girl away using Sehun as an excuse. She had expected to be pleased with the outcome of what she did but the only feeling coursing through her entire being at the present moment was regret. Pure, uncomfortable, vexing regret.

The angel took a long, deep breath, taking in all the air she needed, allowing her abdomen to expand until it could take no more before exhaling heavily. All the oxygen was no help. Her mind was still clouded and the feeling of suffocation seemed to have grown worse. She knew nothing was going to make her feel better. She needed to see Yoona, albeit for just a single second. Snatching her phone off the table and slipping her shoes on, she headed promptly for the door, slamming it carelessly behind her as she left.

*           *

“I asked for noodles and I get two fucking pathetic slices of bread? Are you asking for a beating?” As her once-again stoned father scanned the kitchen for an appropriate weapon to wield, Yoona only glared at him with agitated eyes.

“It isn’t my fault that you chose to get yourself so fucking drunk at this time of the night and still expect to be served proper food. I’m not getting your stupid noodles so do whatever you want.” Before the unreasonable man could reply, she had already stormed off to get her running shoes on. She did not care that it was close to one in the morning. Seeing the man like this angered her and she needed her dose of fresh air.

As she was busy knotting up the laces, she heard a couple of faint knocks on the front door. Who the heck could it be at this ungodly hour? Yoona mentally swore that if she saw any sign of Kris, she would not devote another second of thought as to whether or not she should beat him up. Getting up to her feet as soon as she was done, she trudged towards the door and threw it open, jaw instantly dropping a little at the sight of the person before her. Her heart lunged in her chest and she was surprised at why she was still feeling this way.