CW: SA nightmares, CSA, incest (but Seán is a v comforting n safe bean)
You woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. You laid in bed just silently shaking for what seems like forever trying not to cry. Finally you slowly get up, walking to the bathroom deciding it's a good idea to get up and relieve your bladder.
To your surprise and dread your boxer briefs were covered in blood. You quickly clean it up before quietly walking back to the bedroom. You quietly grab a new pair of underwear, putting them on before laying back in bed.
You held back tears even though you wanted to cry so badly. It was confusing, you wanted to cry, but at the same time, the last thing you wanted to do was cry. It's like your body needs to cry but you can't. A quiet sob escapes your lips, you cover your mouth quickly hoping you didn't wake Seán.
After a moment there's no sign that you woke him so you let yourself sob silently. Arms wrap around you after a little bit and so you turn sobbing into his chest.
"What's wrong, baby boy? Was it another nightmare?" He asks concerned but sleepily. You try to answer but your sobs make it too hard to speak. "Shhh, it's okay baby, I have you. He can't hurt you anymore, he's locked up, you're safe now. I'd never let anyone hurt you, my precious baby boy." He soothes as he rubs soft circles into your back while holding you close. Once your sobs calm down, he pulls back wiping your tears away.
"I'm sorry you still have to deal with these nightmares, you don't deserve it. Are they getting any better?" He whispers softly in the now too quiet room.
"A little. Falling asleep wrapped in your arms helps, makes me feel so safe." You curl closer into his chest, he automatically wraps his arms around you tighter. "I'm sorry for freaking out. It's just... I thought I was getting better, I hadn't had a nightmare about him in weeks... First the nightmare, then add in the fact that I'm bleeding and my dysphoria's so bad right now… And I just, I'm sorry." Your voice cracks.
"Your bleeding?" He asks, tightening his arms around you a little more. You just nod, not trusting your voice at the moment.
"I'm sorry, my prince. When the voice in your head feeds you all these lies, remember that I'm here to tell you the truth. You can't listen to your dysphoria, you are the manliness man I know." He kisses the top of your head. You let a tear fall from your eyes, you don't have many tears left.
"Why don't I push off my recording til you feel a bit better, and in the morning we can cuddle all day watching movies." You smile at how sweet he is.
"That sounds perfect, but you need to record, people will be worried." You whisper.
"Missing one day will not kill anyone. I'll explain that my beautiful boyfriend isn't feeling well, so I, the amazing boyfriend I am, am taking the day off to make him feel better." Seán gives you one of his pure ray of sunshine smiles.
"If you're sure; I would love to spend the day cuddling and watching movies." You smile into his chest.
"I'm definitely sure, we can start with Sweeney Todd and work our way to Camp Rock, and we can get ice cream and a lot of candy!" Your little Irish green bean says excitedly.
"You're such a dork." You chuckle.
"Yes, but I'm your dork." You can feel him smiling as he kisses the top of your head.
"Yes, you're my dork and I love you, Seán, so much." You look up at him in the eyes showing how serious you are.
"I love you too, (Y/n). You have no idea what I'd do to protect you and keep you safe and happy." Seán says with just as much love and sincerity. He leans down pressing a soft kiss to your lips, both of you conveying just how much you truly love and care for the other. The kiss is slow and full of love, when he breaks the kiss he rests his forehead against yours.
"Now go back to sleep, love. I'll be right here when you've had all eight hours of sleep." He whispers.
"I don't want to go back to sleep." You admit hesitantly.
"Why's that?" He sounds worried again.
"What if I have another nightmare?" Your voice is a bit shaky. Seán goes back to rubbing your back softly.
"I wish I could take all your nightmares and bad thoughts away. Would it help to talk about them? I remember your therapist said talking about it would help." His voice is so soft.
"I don't want to bother you with that, I'll be fine." You look down feeling so guilty for waking him up in the first place.
"You are never a bother, (Y/n), I love you more than anything. I hate watching you go through so much pain. I want to help take that pain away, any way I can. Please talk to me?" His eyes burn with fierce love.
"It's hard to talk about..." You whisper. You've told him bits and pieces of what happened but you never really talk about it unless you're drunk, it's just too painful.
"I know baby, but you need to be able to talk about it. If you don't want to tell me about it, that's fine, I'm not going to force you, but promise me you'll talk about it with your therapist."
"I promise." You whisper.
"Thank you." He whispers back holding you in a tight embrace making you feel safe.
"I was a toddler again...." You say after a minute of silence. Seán's right, he's been your boyfriend for a year, you love and trust him with all your heart, body, and soul. You should be able to talk about these things with him.
"H-He came into the bedroom we shared cause our house only had two bedrooms, and since my brother was older -and a boy- he got his own room while I shared the other room with my parents.... He said something but no sound came out." Your voice broke off taking a shaky deep breath. Seán stays silent but holds you closer.
"I tried to stop him, I kicked and swung my arms around trying to fight him off, but being so little, it didn't do anything. He held me down." You started crying again. Seán just rubbed patterns into your back letting you take your time.
"When his fingers found the spot they were looking for I tried to tell him it hurt, to stop. But he just held me down ignoring my pleas. There was nothing I could do so I just lay there limply crying as silently as I could." You take a moment to wipe your tears and sniffle.
"It felt so real, like his hands were actually there. It hurt so much. I f-feel so dirty, so broken all the time, I can never escape it. No matter where I am, what I'm doing, I just feel so dirty. He broke me, I'm nothing but a broken toy." You cry into Seán while shaking like a chihuahua.
"(Y/n), darling, I need you to look at me." He says softly and you look up at him with tears streaming down your cheeks. "I wish I could change what happened, I can't fathom how someone could do that to any child let alone their own kid. But you are not dirty, nor are you broken, you are so beautiful and so, so strong. He's behind bars, you're safe now, he can never hurt you again." He assures you.
"It's only a matter of years until he gets out, what if he looks for me? What if he finds me?" You voice your anxieties with tears in your eyes.
"He's not getting out for many more years, and when he does, I won't let him anywhere near you. I'll break his jaw before I let him even within the same city as you. I'll make sure he can't hurt my baby ever again." Seán soothes, you hug him tightly letting the last few tears fall from your red, puffy eyes.
"I'll protect you, always." He whispers.
"Thank you, Seán, I love you." You say hoarsely, your throat raw from sobbing.
"I love you more, (Y/n), more than words can express." Seán says kissing the top of your head. You feel yourself drift back to sleep, this time free of nightmares.
I know I have so many requests to write but I feel horrible at the moment. This is basically just me venting and trying to comfort myself. I've never written something so.... Personal... I almost decided not to post it or at least delete the part about my nightmare. But in the end, I decided to just put it up. Maybe it'll be just what someone else needs right now. I hope it wasn't too depressing.
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Trans Male Reader x Random Male OneshotsFanfiction
I've done Trans Male Reader (Ftm) oneshots in my other books, but someone suggested that I make a whole book about trans reader, and I thought it was a good idea. These oneshots are mostly gonna deal with dysphoria and are gonna be hurt/comfort heav...