FANBOY || Taekook

017

[Yoongi's P.O.V]

I came back from the hospital after seeing Jimin.

What do I do... I never wanted this to happen, I just- I don't know...

I threw all the papers on my work desk to the ground yelling on the top of my lungs.

Why am I like this? Why am I confusing myself... I love Jimin, I really do but, Hoseok and I had something special in high school, and I just can't forget about him.

Jimin makes me happy, he makes me feel things I've never felt before, he's light of my life.

But Hoseok was there for me when my parents kicked me out of my house, they were ashamed of me, their own son, for wanting to follow his dreams and make music, for being gay, bisexual to be exact.

Hoseok was my best friend, I moved in with him and we became close, closer than friends should be. He reminds me of my teenage years, the times I was an underground rapper, care free from everything and everyone It was the times of my life and he was there with me, that's why I can't forget him.

But when I turned 19 Hoseok left me, without saying goodbye he left, I still don't know where he left, he never told me but i'm assuming it was for his career, when he came back after 5 years I was already dating Jimin.

When I saw him for the first time when I went to go visit Jimin while he was practicing, I saw him there, I wanted to break down, cry, scream at him and ask him why he left me. I couldn't I ran away back home and broke down. Then the next day I went back prepared to face him again, I saw him, he smiled at me and said "long time no see".

After that we started to talk again, I got his number, we were friends again, just like old times... until one day I was watching Jimin practice and Hoseok walked in, I learned he was a famous choreographer, he managed the dance studio and worked with Jimin, then Jimin introduced me to Hoseok as his boyfriend for a year. I had to act like we were meeting for the first time, I didn't want Jimin to know about my past with him, I didn't want him to know I couldn't let go of my past either...

Then I lost contact with Hoseok, for a whole year, one day I saw him at Bighit, he was going to be the new choreographer , that day I made the worst mistake of my life, he pulled me into a room and screamed at me asking me why I didn't tell him about dating Jimin and I yelled at him about why he left me we fought he told me he still loved me, and that night we slept together...

I felt horrible whenever I saw Jimins beautiful smile, I felt guilty so I never said anything, I didn't want to break his heart because I still loved him, I just couldn't let go of my past with Hoseok I slept with him once more when I was drunk, that was the night of the Seoul group dance competition... yes I do regret it because Jimin made me forget my past with Hoseok, he gave my life a new meaning.

I actually forgot about my past with Hoseok until I messed up and got drunk with Hoseok... and Jimin found out...

If I could turn back time I would fix my mistakes, Jimin doesn't deserve someone like me i'm... broken, and he's perfect.

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I pray that I want to see it again

Right now at this moment

Even the warm wind of  flower scent

Even that sky without a single dot of clouds

Every single thing is cold

That bright sky is all darkened

Please hold me tight