Who we are

Chapter 30

Chaeyoung’s POV

An overwhelming sense of dread and heartache came over me when Yerin said those three words. Those were my words for Mina. She was my girlfriend and I care for her so much. I got an even stronger  stabbing pain in my heart when Mina left to go talk to her outside.

I was emotionlessly watching them talk outside, I could tell they were getting into a huge argument. Then suddenly, Yerin reaches for Mina and I hold my breath, luckily she pushed her away. Then I saw Mina crying and it’s one of the saddest thing I saw. By now they were both yelling at each other and I could hear some of it. Everyone could. My heart dropped when I heard that Sinb was Yerin’s step brother. Shocker. How the hell could he have never gone to her sister’s funeral, that’s unforgivable. Then Yerin again tried to grab Mina, but again she pushed her. They talked more then Mina did something so unexpected that broke me a little. She gave Yerin a tight hug and then randomly walked away. Like, what the hell was that? Obviously, I was jealous and hurt by what happened, but it puzzled me that Mina just left. I was at loss for words. I was angry, but so worried about her. God, my heart is in so much pain right now.

Mina’s POV

I walked and kept walking for a long time. I just didn’t know what else to do. If I stopped walking, I know I’d break down and start crying. There was just so much emotion going on in me now, and it sucks having no control. Believe me, it’s even worse with ADHD, everything just gets double jumbled in my head.

By the time I got to my house it was 4pm. I’ve been walking around for hours. I go to my room and pace around and feel my phones vibration for the thousandth time. Everyone is calling me, but I can’t answer. I know they are worried about me, but what am I supposed to tell them? Honestly everything hurts so much. My phone vibrates again and I can’t take it so I throw it on the bed.

I pace around more, but it’s no use. So I try to take my anger and frustration and whatever other emotions I have out on my pillows. I throw them, then I push everything up my desk and I throw a stuffed animal. I turn the corner and accidentally slam my left hand across a dresser. It stings a lot and I check my hand and notice I’m bleeding. Ugh! How could I be so stupid, I think as I apply pressure on my hand.

Then I lean on the wall and just slowly kneel down as I cover my face with my hands. I start balling my eyes out because it’s all too much. Whatever love I had with Yerin is gone. The only person that gave me a stronger tie with Sinb isn’t going to be in my life anymore. Sinb’s gone and I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone. I should feel better because I faced my fears and confronted Yerin, but I don’t. I feel empty, because I know no matter what I do. I can’t bring back my best friend.

I just keep sobbing on the ground, even with my hand still bleeding. It’s not a big cut, so I know I don’t have to worry too much about it. I finally run out of tears and just look up at the ceiling. I picture my favorite memories with Sinb, and I try to hold on to what she looked like. I can’t help, but speak out loud to her.

“I’m sorry Sinb. I’m so sorry…. I’m sorry for not helping you…. I’m sorry for hating you deep down. I hate you because you died. You left me alone. You promised you’d always be here for me. You lied Sinb..”

 

I surprised myself for saying that out loud. I never once brought it up before. I never once told anyone I hate them, but I can’t help it.

“Sinb, I have so much hate right now. What’s wrong with me? I didn’t use to be like this before. It’s hard not to feel angry all the time.”

“I thought if I changed, everything would get better. I took your advice Sinb, I stopped letting others push me around, I stopped caring what others think, but nothing is easier.”

“I tried unraveling who I was to move on with life, but I’m broken Sinb. And I don’t know if I can put the pieces together or if I’ll break even more. I’m trying, I really am.”

I just started crying again because there was nothing else left to do. It sucks having ADHD because you get stuck in your own mind and the silence is killing.

Chaeyoung’s POV

I was started to get really worried about Mina. She wasn’t answering anyone’s call. I was still pretty emotional and angry about what happened earlier, but I care about Mina so much to not just care if she’s okay. So I and the others went to look for her.

First, I check her favorite bookstore that she could spend hours at. But she’s not there, so I go to the park with a soccer field. I know she loves walking around the field or just pushing a soccer ball around.

So I try to see if she’s home or not. I look in a pot near the door for the key and go into the house. I walk to Mina’s room and find her on the ground with tears rolling down her cheeks. I immediately get down on the ground with her and hug her. Every feeling of frustration and jealousy disappears all I want is to comfort her. I gently place my palm on her cheek and wipe away her tears. Then I kiss her on the head and pull her closer to me. I then grab her hand and notice blood. I guess she hit something pretty hard because her hand is a little purple and her knuckles were bloody. I quickly move her to the bed and get medical supplies to bandage up her hand. I give her a tight embrace as I clean her hand with alcohol and bandage it. Then after a while Mina falls asleep in my hands and I realized that I never want to let her go.