32: birthday banana muffins.

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* I always talk about roads in this like a mental road in your head and it's all about life. I haven't googled that those are my words and how I myself view life... I reread it back and just wanted to clarify I didn't take that from anywhere, but also if you ever need to like think about life and whatnot think about what I said cause I always find it like mind blowing thinking of life that way.. idk. Okay enough rambling jess, let's get on with the chapter xxx

The sun streamed through the curtains, it didn't feel like that long ago I was here for the first time. Harry allowed me to sleep in the bed and he took the couch downstairs, it confused me at first that he didn't want to be in bed with me but he said he wanted me to reread the letter and think about everything without him there. I forgive him for his bad attitude and behaviour, I mean he had a perfectly reasonable excuse to explain why he was as angry and sad as he was. I slept so much better just knowing Harry and I were okay with one another, it still felt odd being on my own knowing he was just downstairs, but I think he also wanted time alone.

All I keep thinking about is how he said he loves me, how the second we walked back through the door of this house after leaving the bridge in the woods, he pulled his mother to the side and told her everything. I could hear him over the sound of the tumble dryer as he attempted to hide his excitement along with his mother's in that room. I think the cheerful topic of Harry admitting his love for me was enough to help the entire house feel a little at ease despite the tragic news I heard when I got here.

Today is Harry's birthday, he's twenty four today. Even though yesterday wasn't the best it could be, I'm determined to fix everything and make him genuinely smile. I scrambled out of bed and carelessly made it look less messy, before pulling on some leggings and going through Harry's chest of drawers for a top. I settled on one of his thin long sleeved tops, the sleeves were far too long so I had to roll them up slightly. I pushed my hair into a messy bun before leaving the bedroom, the second I stepped foot in the hallway I could already hear Harry's snores from where he lay downstairs.

I quietly descended down the stairs and stopped by the living room door, there he was. Lay on his stomach with one arm under his head and the other dangling off the side of the couch. Through the night his feet had managed to push off the blanket covering him as it now rested messily in a heap on the floor. I cautiously stepped into the room, being as quiet as I could, I took the blanket from the floor and lay it over his body. My fingertips grazing his cheek as I touched him shyly. I retreated my hand and walked away, closing the living room door behind me before entering the kitchen.

It was dark and a sickening chill raced up my spine as I flicked the light on before squealing at the woman sat at the table. Anne flicked her fingers over her cheek quickly ridding the stray tears from her face before smiling weakly at me, dark purple bags painted under her eyes. "Anne," I breathed.

"Good morning sweetheart," she smiled. It wasn't like the one that warmed my insides, it was small and dainty, making her look vulnerable and frail.

"Have you been down here all night?" I already could sense the answer...

"Yes," she sighed. "Spoke to Harry for a bit, then he fell asleep but I didn't want to leave him alone so I stayed in here," I knew she wasn't lying, but it wasn't the truth either. She just didn't want to lay in a bed with an empty space beside her that should have been filled by Robin.

"Are you doing okay?" I asked warily, afraid she'll cry on me. I don't do well with people crying, I mean I can comfort them but I tend to cry too. And that's not exactly helpful for them. I fiddled with my fingers in front of my body as I leaned against the unit behind me.

"I have to be okay, for them," she stood up, brushing away the creases in her top. She was still in the outfit she wore yesterday. "I have to be okay today, my baby is another year older."

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