sunrise || m.h.

Prisoner

After I nearly had a mental breakdown at the thought of me having feelings for Matty, we left George's and went back to Matty's flat. Our flat. 

I still had the weed in my system, so I stumbled the whole way there, almost passing out a few times from getting light headed. 

"Are you alright to keep walking? I can call a cab if you can't walk anymore." Matty said, watching me trip over my own feet.

"It's only a few more minutes, I can walk." I said, ignoring my screaming legs. My body was very relaxed before we left, and it was angry to leave that comfortable state of sitting on George's floor. 

Matty made sure that I didn't fall flat on my face the rest of the way home, and I had successfully made it to the sofa, letting my legs give out and plunging myself onto it. 

"Are you really that tired from walking 13 city blocks?" Matty laughed, kicking off his shoes and sitting down next to me with much more grace than I had.

"My body wants to sleep for the rest of my life." I groaned, staring up at the ceiling. 

He laughed again. 

"I used to get that too. Now it's weird if I'm not high or intoxicated in some kind of way."

I didn't respond and thought about what happened in my brain earlier. I cannot let myself have a crush. Not on Matty, not on Ross, George, Adam, Vee, Finn, or anyone. 

I remember in 1st grade I had a crush on a boy named Tomas. I wrote his name inside the cover of my notebook with a heart around it and a girl next to me snatched it from my desk, holding it up and chanting "Hayley loves Tomas" while I stared in horror as the class laughed. After that, kids would make fun of me every day for it, any time I wrote something down they asked if I was writing his name in a heart. Even though that happened as a child, I'm still afraid of something like that happening again. 

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Matty asked, breaking me from my thoughts and back to reality. 

I shook my head, trying to forget everything that has happened after coming home from Vee's. 

"Nothing, just thinking."

I could feel his eyes on me, watching the gears turn in my head and my expressions changing as my mind wandered. 

"You're a liar. I can see all over your face that you're upset, tell me what's wrong."

I sighed and closed my eyes. 

"I can't tell you."

Matty paused. 

"Why not?"

I stayed silent for a moment, taking a deep breath to try to calm my nerves.

"I just can't." I opened my eyes and scanned over his face, obvious confusion written all over it. 

He nodded at me and turned on the TV, tuned to a local news station. 

"A father from Manchester says his daughter mysteriously disappeared from their house last Saturday night after leaving to go to the store, he returned to find she was nowhere to be seen." The newswoman spoke, a serious look on her face.

My eyes widened and I hoped that it was just a coincidence, maybe another girl in Manchester got kidnapped the same day I left. 

"When she was still missing after morning, he took it to the authorities to send out a search party to find his daughter."

My heart was beating out of my chest, air was barely making it into my lungs as I hoped and nearly prayed for it not to be me. 

It couldn't be, right? My father wouldn't send out a search party would he? I thought he'd be too drunk to care for long and move on.