When?

6. "I hurt her, Louis. I hurt her."

Louis was there. I could see him from the corners of my eyes, but I was too tired to reach out to him, or to lie and say that I was okay, because I wasn’t. I had never been less okay than now. I was so incredibly tired. Tired of thinking. Tired of hiding. Tired of planning. Tired of living. I just wanted her to reassure me that this too would pass, or tell me to drink it away, or to just fuck it. I wanted her to ruffle my head because she was too awkward to hug it out, and smile that ever so gracious smile of hers, and everything would be okay again. I would be okay again. Life isn’t supposed to go so wrong, not when you plan ahead. I was supposed to kick her boyfriend’s ass after he forced her into drinking herself sick again, or maybe even cheating on her. I was supposed to tell her than she deserved better, because she did. She deserved better than me, and certainly better than him. We were supposed to read lots of books and watch old movies and eat till we can no longer move. She was supposed to thank me for being a great friend. I was supposed to put her pieces back together. This wasn’t supposed to happen. There was so much that I had planned for us both, but that was the problem, wasn’t it? Always planning. Planning till life passed me by, and now, now it all seemed pointless. Why would I even bother anymore, when my life’s plan, came crashing down?

“ She’ll come around, Harry, she won’t stay mad at you forever.” Louis’ tender voice filled my ears, but I couldn’t hear anything but her broken voice screaming for me to leave her alone.

“ She hates me, Louis. I ruined everything.” I didn’t know what was it about the wall that was so interesting. Maybe because it had no features to remind me of her. Maybe because it was as blank as I felt inside. It was in one piece though, which I wasn’t. it had no holes in it, which wasn’t the case with me.

“ She doesn’t hate you, Harry, she’s just hurt.” As if that was supposed to make me feel better. Hurting her was the last thing I ever wanted to do.

“ I hurt her, Louis. I hurt her.” My own voice was so unfamiliar to me. It was choked, forced, as if it took so much effort of me to get those few words out.

“ Jesus, Harry, are you crying?” Crying? I never cried. I couldn’t possibly be crying. But putting my hand to my face, I felt the tears falling down to no end. Yes. I was crying. Soon, I was wrapped into Louis’ arms, who like Judith, rarely revealed any emotions. Judith. Everything seemed to be bringing me back to her.

“ Listen, I never told you this before, but, maybe you should just forget about her, man. If you can’t have her, then maybe losing her is the only choice you’ve got. You can’t keep living your life in her shadow, Harry, you have your own life to live. So, maybe what happened is a sign from above or whatever, that you should let go.” God, let go? How could letting go be the answer to anything? She was my wholesome. She glued me together. She was my backbone. I could pretend that I was the one who had been keeping her together, but in fact, it was the other way around. Judith revived my heart after I had long forgotten about it. She revived it only to break it. So what now? Do I go back to my robotic, tasteless life? Or do I experiment with this new, broken state I found myself in?

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A/N: Hey, this is kind of a filler, I know, I'm sorry, but I don't want to rush this story just yet, and at least you got a bit of Louis, haha, anyways, comments and tell me what you think and what you want to happen next and I'll dedicate the next chapter to you x