Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Nineteen

AN: incase you need to refresh your mind a little while reading this chapter (especially when it gets to Ashton's POV), I suggest going back and reading the prologue for The Chase and then coming back and reading this after :) 

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The feeling of forgetting everything is a very powerful feeling. It makes you feel so much, but nothing at all. Your muscles are heavy and your eyelids drag...and you mope around and laugh at the most pointless things. You feel like you're falling, but you're too high to think you're falling down. You think that every ounce of worry you have is finally lifted off of you for that short period of time in which you're completely shadowed by the substances you shove in your body.

It was 3:00 am, but it felt like the day was just getting started. I was under a spell, and it forced me to not only not give a shit about myself, but to not give a shit about anyone. I told myself I would stay at Leila's for 10 minutes so I wouldn't look like a bitch, but by now that promise was long since broken. I was slumped down on her couch in the dark, and I had no idea who was still here or where they were. I was tired, but to hocked up on the stuff I have been throwing into myself for what seemed like the longest time. I wanted to laugh and yell at myself for being an idiot, but I was too into this; I loved this.

"You're stupid," I laughed to myself, blindly feeling around to prop a pillow up on the couch. I was tired, of course, and I had no idea what else to do since I could only hear the faint laughter of Leila in the other room. I could go and find her and finally say goodbye and leave, but how could I drive when I'm like this? I felt like I was being weighed down by 2-ton weights, and I was too drunk and still a little high to get off the couch. Is it even possible to be drunk and high at the same time? I guess if it is, it's how I feel right now.  I finally layed down and faced the ceiling, slowly opening and closing my eyes over and over again. I had a smile on my face; for once I didn't worry for a night, and that felt incredible. I didn't think of my parents, or all the people at school that give the people I love all the shit they don't deserve, and I didn't even think about what Ashton would say if I told him I was doing this. 

I'm not sure if that's necessarily a good thing, but I can't take back tonight. I didn't want to anyway.

*Ashton's POV*

I woke up the next morning around 9:00, and surprisingly I had a pretty good sleep. I think it was because I settled things with Michael, and because I am now trying to put more of my trust in Brooke. I've always trusted her so much, but now I just need to stop worrying about her. I shouldn't worry about her, because I trust her. And, I love her, so maybe I should try to calm down all the voices in my head that always tell me something bad is going to happen.

I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes, before looking out the window. The city was starting to get busy, and I wondered if it was going to be hot today. I don't really mind the dry heat, since I've gotten used to it, but I hoped that my mother didn't either. She's been here for about a week, and I couldn't be happier. I wouldn't have never known it was that easy to find her, but I guess sometimes the things that seem so out of reach can happen when you least expect it. It was odd to see her after so many years, but it was a good kind of odd. It was the kind of odd that still caught me off guard sometimes, but only made an idiotic smile plaster on my face everytime I think about the reality I've been in for the past week. Call me lame for sobbing about it when I saw my mum, but I couldn't help it.

Now all I need to do is say that I am sorry. I've been waiting a long ass time to appologize for all the times I screwed up when I was little, and now is the time to do it. She's going back to Austrailia tomorrow, and I was confused as to why. She's only been here a week, and there are so many things I have to ask her. She said she had to go back to work, which I understand, but it seems so soon and it makes me sad.