Parallel Universes • s.black

XXVII

-Stella Hart-

November passed in flashes of whispers and knowing looks. Of notes passed under the table and crumpled up pieces of parchment. Of a silence that's too loud and an empty space between the ribs. And of skin that never quite got rid of the bloodstains.

And now it's the first day of a new month, December. I could hope for a fresh start, hope for something better, but the odds of that happening are not in my favour. Not even on today of all days.

Not even on my birthday.

It started off with Bellatrix and Narcissa waking me up by singing 'Happy Birthday'. It was meant to be sweet but Narcissa is a shocking singer so it just gave me a headache.

Then I got myself ready, changing into my crumpled uniform and smearing on a thick layer of makeup to hide the clues that I was hollow inside; the dark circles under my eyes and the ghostly pale of my cheeks.

Now, as I'm standing in the dimlit corridor outside my dorm, I try to focus on my heartbeat. It's not racing, but it's not normal, it's slow. Slower than it should be, like I'm stranded in slow motion. A person shouldn't be able to survive on such a slow heartbeat, shouldn't be able to live- but I don't think I am living. I think I'm surviving, but that's not the same thing.

So I move, because I'm afraid if I stand still for much longer it will slow down so much that it will stop completely.

No one's in the Common Room, they're all at breakfast, so I walk alone to the Great Hall. Although when I get there I hardly get one minute alone. Lucius is the first one up, giving me a cheeky grin and a hug with wandering hands. Then some Slytherin girl I don't know the name of comes ans gives me an airkiss on both cheeks.

Then Bellatrix is pulling me over to our table and Dean is there, looking perfect, smiling his sweet smile and presenting me with a breakfast muffin filled with fried eggs and bacon and brown sauce with a single candle stuck in the top.

He held it up to me while everyone crowded around.

"Make a wish love."

I had too many things to wish for, too much I needed, but when it came time to choose my mind went blank and all I could come up with was, for my heart to beat in time with everyone else's.

So that's what I wished for when I blew the candle out.

And in the seconds after I actually stopped and pressed a hand to my heart- to the others it must've looked like I was having an 'aw cute' moment because Bellatrix nudged me, Narcissa giggled and Dean pressed a kiss to my cheek and whispered 'Happy Birthday Love' in my ear.

Except I wasn't listening, I was counting the beats of my heart and I felt a pang of sadness when I realised nothing had changed.

Stupid birthday. Stupid wishes. Stupid heart.