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"you hung with the popular kids, and i couldn't stand them. but, i sucked it up because i wanted to be more than friends"
JUNE 24, 1989. 11:43 AM. DERRY, MAINE. _______________________________ della's pov:
i walked home happier than i ever have. happy because it was the last day of school, happy because of stanley, and happy because of the little white note in my hands. obviously, i knew it was stanley. but that didn't change the bubbly feeling i got looking at it. he was a sweet boy, sweeter than anyone else i had met. sweeter than his pervy friend, richie, who i had the privilege of sitting next to in english. we were once told to write a haiku, but his only consisted of sex every 7, 5, 7 row. it's funny now, but at the time i wanted to curl up into a ball and end it all. richie, on the other hand, thought it was the funniest thing in the world! and it probably was to him, because the laughter never subsided and even got him sent to detention. that was 6 months ago.
to be precise, december 15, 1988, but who really remembers that? i only knew because it was a month after georgie denbrough went missing, younger brother of bill denbrough. he was another friend of stan's. most everyone called him "stuttering bill," including gretta and all my other friends. i had even slipped up a few times, but i learned that it was best i kept my mouth shut after seeing his face fall from me calling him it. everyone else on the other hand, didn't, and he was continued to be embarrassed.
apart from billy's stutter, he was also known due to the younger denbrough going missing, or taken, or killed. no one knew. but no one questioned him when he told people george was "just missing." i don't think anyone had the heart to. it was scary, not just for him, but for everybody. parents started keeping their kids out of school, and teachers would get substitutes who then got substitutes. no one wanted to be out in the town of derry, maine.
but again, that was 6 months ago, and even though derry had a curfew, summer was out and the town was ours! for a second we could all forget about georgie, betty ripsom, and future cases. we could live, breathe, and laugh without wondering who, or what, was stealing us away.
it didn't last very long, but at least it lasted. our small town was full of mystery that everyone refused to explore. it was hidden, taken from us just like little georgie d, and the innocence of big brother. we could only imagine what adults thought. but come to think of it, the adults didn't think much. they swept it under the rug more than anyone, just let the window get a little foggy before cleaning it up.
i hated thinking about it too much, and perhaps parents did, too. we all did. and little did we know, that was the thing killing us most. the ignorance we flourished in, we bathed in curiosity yet dried off with naivety. solemn was our shower curtain and we never seemed to wash it. it laid getting dirtier and blacker at the bottom of the tub, until someone got sick. then, we cared, but never enough to get a new shower curtain.
how stanley uris ever make time wonder this much, i did not know. but i knew two things, he hated my friends and so did i. was i too proud to give them up, or was i too scared? i don't think i was scared of becoming unpopular, that never worried me. i was never startled that one day id be old trash in the group, because aren't we all? high school and middle school legacies don't live on. i was just scared i would have to care what people thought. because isn't that what being popular is all about? not caring about what people think of you because either way, they're thinking of you. people hated gretta, and hell, even me, but that didn't stop the fact they wanted to be our friends.
"she's a bitch!" they whispered behind our backs, but as we approached their comments turned into, "we love your skirt!" we all wanted to be popular, i was just one of the people who actually did it. i wasn't mean like gretta though, i don't think anyone could ever be as mean as her. she was my best friend since derry pre k, and we continued to stay that way. even though the hate towards her grew deeper and deeper (just like the awful red lipsticks she wore; which seemed to get more red and more awful as middle school went on) i didn't wanna leave her. i was scared. being alone scared me.
but was i too blind to see that other people could tell that I wanted out, could stan tell? why would he bring it up if he didn't? i wanted to scream and run and just brush it all away. but i couldn't, know that stanley gave me this paper. this god damn paper. i now knew three things. 1. stan hated my friends. 2. i hated my friends. 3. i would rather be miserable than alone.
