When?

9. "Judy, what the fuck are you doing?"

His hands were resting on my knee, his shoulder and mine brushing against one another, as he handed me yet another shot.

“ Here, babe, keep going.” He urged, his voice in my ears causing the chills to run through my body, right to the core. I obliged, putting the shot to my mouth and devouring it in my gulp. It was a bad day for me, but recently, most days were. His mum called me again, she asked me not to tell him because he told her not to call me again. She was just worried about him, telling me that he hadn’t been himself lately. I couldn’t help him with that one, I could barely recognize myself now. I had lost weight, the dark circles beneath my eyes were unmistakable, my eyes were dark, dull, and lifeless, but never as much as I physically was. I was a walking dead, who just wanted not to have to walk anymore. Being dead would have been more than enough for me.

“ Tina is coming with the drugs in a bit, you should really give it a try, it’s something else.” Todd advised, shrugging his shoulders as if it wasn’t drugs that he was pushing me into. I remained silent, not wanting to trigger his rage, nor wanting to offer my confirmation. Drugs seemed tempting though, after all, I had no reason to manner my demons anymore, why be good when everything around me was bad anyway? And that was another thing that Harry used to offer me; he was the only goddamn pure thing I had in my life.

Tina did come, sitting on Todd’s lap, as they both started devouring the cocaine. For some reason, I was unfazed by the flirting next to me, it wasn’t worth it really. The drunkenness was settling in, and for a blissful second, Harry escaped my mind. And so did Todd. I had gone completely blank, and I was enjoying the numbness, the emptiness, the serenity. Todd’s laughter mingling with Tina’s went unheard by me. Their make out session went unfelt by me. I was there, but I wasn’t. I was nowhere. And that was when I felt the syringe being put into my paralyzed arm, and again, I made no effort to fight it. It didn’t hurt. Nothing could have hurt me any further, no pain could have compared to the one caused by losing Harry. Something was wrong though. My sight was growing blurrier, my body felt loose, boneless, and my head was spinning in circles. There was pounding in my ears, but there wasn’t. I rose from my seat, or maybe I didn’t? I wasn’t entirely sure. Just as the syringe began departing my arm, I heard my name being called by a voice that was remotely familiar, but not quite. I closed my eyes shut, attempting to clear my vision, but it wasn’t working.

“ Judy, what the fuck are you doing?” That distant voice came again. Judy. Only 2 people called me that; Anne, and Louis. And it wasn’t exactly a female voice so that meant that-

“ Hey, leave her alone, she’s having some fun.” That was Todd, or at least I was half sure it was him.

“ Fuck off, what did you give her?” That male voice came again. Two curse words in two sentences, yes, that was definitely Louis.   I felt an arm hold onto me, bringing me off the couch, but my legs felt like jelly, and I couldn’t stand on my own.

“ Fucking hell, Judy, what did you do to yourself?” Louis’ voice suddenly became sadder, lowering an octave or two.

“ What the fuck did you give her?” His voice was maddened again, but it wasn’t directed towards me.

“ Nothing, just a small dose of cocaine, nothing major.” That was Tina. Or was it Todd? What was happening?

“ Cocaine, are you fucking nuts? I swear to God if anything happens to her, I’ll call the cops of your sorry assess.” And then I was being pulled away, more like carried away, but yeah, I was definitely leaving the bar. Louis’ voice mingled with others that I didn’t quite recognize. Wait, if Louis was here, did that mean that Harry was with him?

No, God, please no. Harry couldn’t see me like that. I couldn’t bear the thought of him seeing me like that, and me, having to see his reaction after. Involuntarily, I found myself pulling away from Louis’ grip, almost stumbling to the floor.

“ Jesus, Judith, how much did they give you?” I felt his arm holding me again, but I didn’t want that. I wanted to run away before Harry got here.

“ Harry. No.” I barely managed to choke out, before being carried bridal style.

“ He’s not here. Thank God, he’s not here. He would have- man, I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if he was here.” Louis said, more to himself than to anyone. I felt the tears burning behind my eyelids at the mention of Harry, at the mere thought of him. I shook my head, wanting to get as far away from anything related to Harry as possible, including Louis.

“ Judith, I’ll take you home, and then I’ll go. I can’t leave you walk home when you’re in this state.” Louis said, putting me down but not leaving me just yet.

“ I don’t need your help.” I choked out, wanting to push him away, but not quite sure I could take it.

“ Lets just be clear, you’re not my favorite person on the planet right now, but you have drugs and alcohol in your system and I don’t trust your judgment nor your boyfriend.” He was growing more irritated by my attempts to shake him off.

“ I am fine, Louis, just let me go.” I pushed against his chest, unable to handle his presence because everything about him remind me of Harry. Any male reminded me of Harry lately. I thought drugs were supposed to intoxicate you, maybe next time I should increase the dosage. That would work.

“ Fine, Judith. I don’t know why I even bothered with you. It’s clear that you’re doing just fine on your own, without me, or Harry, or anyone really. Always having to be okay, no matter what was going on around you. You think this only affects you, Judith? Well, wake the fuck up because you’re destroying yourself along with everyone who had ever given a fuck about you. You’re a selfish, indecisive, hardheaded, bitch who thinks the world revolves around her, well guess what, it doesn’t. But I’m not letting you take us down with you any longer, Judith. This is it. I’m done, and so is Harry. I just hope you wake up before we find you somewhere dead and alone, because as pissed as I am at you, I would really hate to see that happen. Just- go home before you hurt yourself, Judith. Enough damage for now.” I had never seen Louis so affected by anything before, never seen anything get to him as much as this did. I sighed in surrender, nodding my head, not allowing my head to process any of his words because I didn’t trust whatever that was left of my strength. I didn’t trust my misplaced heart to beat after hearing those words come out of someone’s mouth, a mouth that used to joke and make fun and never hurt. So I nodded, as I walked in my house’s direction, feeling Louis closely following behind, making sure not to get too close, nor stroll too far.  

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A/N: Hey! big surprises still coming your way, but first, tell me what you think so far and I'll dedicate the next chapter to you :)