Broken Blue Balloons (Islamic Story) ON HOLD

Fighting, denying the warning signs

Chapter

I woke up to the sound of the familiar beeping. An immediate feeling of nostalgia surrounded me, suffocating me in the process. Most of the time when you feel like you are back in time, you have this smile on your face of how good the time was. You are happy with how it all started and how it ended. You are relieved that you went through that. But with me, this smell of the grey hospital breath was killing me- reminding me of the things I would rather not think about. I slowly opened my eyes, letting them meet with the white walls. The light was blinding me, but I was used to it. I looked to my left, seeing someone that I didn't expect to see. Maybe it is because I expected no one. Maybe because that's how it had been. He was looking down with his head in hands. I tried to talk but only coughed, knowing that I needed water. He was startled, as if he had fallen asleep and just woke up before he gave me the glass with water that was there.

"Thank you" I whispered, indirectly thanking him for his presence. He just nodded, looking away making me feel like something was up.

"What's wrong?" I asked, wanting to sit up but being reminded of my pain. I sat back, feeling like a truck had just driven over me.

"I called your family. They said they weren't going to come" he said, looking up at me. I knew he was searching. I knew he was searching my face. He was curious. I looked into his blue eyes, putting my walls up.

"I am sure they would've come if they weren't busy.. or whatever" he said, whispering the last part as if he wasn't buying it either. I forced a smile.

"Don't worry, I am used to it. This isn't the first time" I said and immediately regretted it. I wasn't meant to say that. It was so difficult with him. I was always trying so hard not to let him know things. He looked at me for what felt like forever, knowing that I was about to say more. Suddenly, I couldn't handle it anymore. The load was so, so heavy. I was able to carry it for all these years, but the load was weighthing more. It was difficult to carry it, keeping my mouth shut. I felt the hot streams of tears falling down my cold face. I looked down, not wanting him to see everything through my eyes. The tiredness, the giving up, the hurt, the broken, the betrayal. I couldn't allow anyone to see it. The moment I did, was the moment they would use it against me. Or they would just listen, and then disappear as if I never told them. I felt Noah standing up. He was going to leave too. Why wouldn't he? I was used to lying in hospital beds all on my own. The pity looks I had received were the disgusting mirror of them. But what I didn't expect was him sitting on the bed by my legs. I took the courage to look at him, expecting to see the familiar pity look. I didn't see it. I didn't see anything.

"Talk to me" he said in a soft voice, making the tears appear even more. The silence was making it hard to breathe. It had always been a good thing that I forced my loud cries to die. Now, when I cried, you wouldn't hear a sound. It was just me holding my breath and letting the tears fall. I looked down and before I could realize, Noah wrapped his arms around me. One arm around my waist, one that was on the back of my head. My eyes widened. I hadn't had a hug for such a long time. I couldn't even remember the last time I had it. The feelings that were running through my body were overpowering, overloading. I felt like a small child being surrounded by her parents. Something I had never felt. For once, I had a different unfamiliar feeling in me. And for once, I wanted to enjoy every second of it. So I moved up a bit and wrapped my arms around him too. It was awkward at first, since I didn't know how to. But I felt like nature's instinct was playing its part. I felt free, knowing that this wasn't reality. I wanted to stay like this forever, wanting every taste of the love I was feeling. Knowing that it wasn't my mother or anyone from them, I knew that this feeling was just me hallucinating things. He soon enough released me, still sitting near me.