How to Write Stories People Will Love

Question 26: Filter words

dream-is-reality asks: Can you write a chapter on filter words or phrases and how to spot/avoid them in your writing? ("He saw" "she realized" etc.)

Before I touch on this subject, just know that I am frequently guilty of filter words myself. It's a weakness of mine. They creep into my writing, and I often don't notice. So don't feel bad if you do it too. I'm still working on how to catch them myself!

"Filtering" is when you place a story character between the reader and detail you want to present. The term was started by Janet Burroway in her book, On Writing. Some examples of what we mean here:

- I noticed the clouds getting darker.

- He realized his wounds weren't healing.

- She decided to buy the ticket.

The bolded parts are the filter words. They usually aren't necessary to convey the detail to the reader. (I say usually, because there are always exceptions. I'll address these exceptions in a bit.) It's an indirect way to say something, when a direct statement would be stronger. Without the filter words, the sentences above would look like this:

- The clouds got darker.

- His wounds weren't healing.

- She bought the ticket.

These are more impactful without the filter words. How do you catch them? First we have to be aware of them. Admittedly, since writing this chapter, I've become more aware of filter words in my own writing. Once we recognize them, it'll be easier to catch. Here's a list of phrases to look out for. I'm going to list them in first person present (I see), but the same applies to third person or past tense (he saw).

I see

I hear

I think

I assume

I wonder

I realize

I watch

I feel

I decide

I notice

I note

I experience

I'm able to

It seems

It sounds like

When you're writing or editing, and you encounter one of these phrases, try this: Remove the phrase from the sentence, and then reword it so the sentence makes sense again. Does it feel stronger? If yes, then you fixed it!

There are cases when filter words need to stay:

1. When the filter word is a key part of the action. For example, "She watched the blade swing back and forth, and timed her jump."

2. To remove ambiguity. To maintain a consistent point of view, filter words are often needed to convey what secondary characters are feeling. For example, "Jane looked thoughtful as she handed me the paper." Without the filter word, the narration would seem to "head-hop". The character who is narrating can't automatically know what Jane is thinking or feeling, so we can only convey what this character is perceiving. In other words, the character has to come between the reader and the detail being given.

3. To convey a certain meaning or feeling. This is more of a gray area, where filter words can subtly alter what a sentence conveys. For example, "He heard himself call her name." On one hand, "He called her name" is more impactful in its directness. It's shorter, and reads faster. On the other hand, "He heard himself call her name" implies that he surprised himself by doing so. Like he wasn't expecting to say anything, but then, as if his mouth was controlled by someone else, it spoke, and he heard it.

If, after removing the filter word, you feel like your sentence is weaker, or has changed meaning, then leave it in. Sometimes these filter words are needed.