Nostalgia | Dazai Osamu

17 | Bittersweet

(Y/n) P.O.V

I hope you were crying when I held your hand and begged you not to leave.

I heard my words repeat in whispers swirling around me like a predator. It was fuel for my darkness, torture for my emotions.

My punishment for falling for Dazai Osamu again.

Our conversation that occurred in the past rang softly in the air which strained my ears to listen. It was so bittersweet watching memories of us replay inside my head, coloured and bright, only to melt into monochrome, to black, to darkness... to nothing. I saw when we first met again by the fountain, when I found him in my apartment, when he held my body tenderly, until our last and finale encounter...

How bittersweet indeed.

I don't think I could remember what had happened five days ago. I didn't want to remember the reason as to why he left. I knew it caused the swarming shadows as black as ink, the flickers of light and burst of bulbs, the energy the levels, the dark depression...the living nightmare that made it even more of a torture to endure. The only thing that excised in my head was him.
And the image of him walking away without hesitating to leave.

I would have thought that after all this pain, I wouldn't have been so hurt this time around.

But no, it still bites and snaps each time he leaves.

It made me wonder if he ever loved me at all... Was I right? Was I correct when I said it was a stratagem to weaken me by telling me I would die? Was this the Agency's plan all along?
Or was this his own personal plan?

Even if I was correct to the last detail, it was my fault. I had faltered in sticking to the rules of the Mafia- never give in to the enemy. And, I had done so. I've done the most stupidest of things. It lead me in a circle and all this time I was oblivious to the end of it all.

It left me solitary.

But that was okay.

Solitary is a friend.

I was the core of the darkness pouring from the apartment building. It was engulfed in my own ability, rich in thick black in every corner. It was plagued with darkness. Even the sky above had blackened. I had heard that the police had evacuated citizens around the block and surrounding areas since I was too dangerous. The only sounds besides from whispers in my head were sirens and screams from below from the disaster I made.

But nothing could fix this mess. It was pointless sending police. They took one step inside the building and was sucked into the darkness, killed instantly. I wasn't sure if Akutagawa or Chyuua could make it halfway, or if I killed them already.

What did he turn me into?

No... What did I get myself into?

I knew this would happen. From the very beginning I knew he was a bad idea to get myself involved in... yet I went for it anyway.

And for fucking what?

It's no surprised it all crashed when things were going so, so well...

My energy levels are out of control- my own ability keeps me alone and does the work for me. Is it protection? Is it a cure for the light? Whatever it was I didn't try to stop it. I didn't care how many lives were killed by forcing them to the shadows in my current state. They're lives were a mere, insignificant and tiny nuisance that added to my situation. My solitary situation, which only I could face alone.