#A Letter

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Dear __________,

Hey, um, i am sorry because I don't you how to accost you, I am still very confused if you're my crush or my love. Don't laugh! I know, it might sound very idiotic but that's true. You have no idea how deep my crush has been for you that it literally has crossed the faint boundary that separates love & crush.

You know what I feel? I believe, there's actually no line; contrived or natural, which can classify my feelings for you. If I say that I don't love you, it is untrue on my part because no day passes by when i don't pray for your happiness, when I don't wish you in my life, when my eyes don't dream about you, when I don't daydream about you. You are the only one who has governed my dreams and reality even. So, that compels me to not categories my feelings for you as crush but if I claim to love you, I, myself, am wondering how that can be possible? How can I love someone without even meeting, knowing, seeing him? That sounds ridiculous to my own ears but, my heart doesn't take words. Because it loves you, it loves you more than its own happiness. It breathes for you more than it breaths for me. It flutters every time i think about you.

In simple words, I have far crossed the boundaries of being a masochist. Being a girl of logics and brains, this was the worst thing I could do to me. But I did. My friends used to call me heartless because relationship never fascinated me. Boys were always Lombard for me. Couples used to make me burst into laughter for their PDA. In these 24 years of my existence, the life and its practicality had made me draw a very vivid law that love is not something that is blind or unintentional or perfidious. I've always believed that you must not be out of mind when you decide to fell in love. Categories your feelings first and then assay the person upon them, that's how love must be done. Love in first sight - this concept was the most ridiculous thing for me. How could one person fall in love without knowing the other one and just with his/her looks. Till now, anyone who has proposed me and brought forth his feelings for me, I have taken my sweet time to assay him on my beliefs and the self assumed theories.

Little did I know that when I was blatantly preaching my self-designed axioms, fate was making a simultaneous plan to destroy my own beliefs and leave me on a spot that I couldn't back away nor could go along with it. Again, my bad, I just forgot that karma is a bitch. To say that we know what is written in our fate is the best joke one could ever make of.

Same happened with me.

Coz I fell in love with you.

Something which however I try I can't regret.

Something that makes me astonish how could I do that.

Something that has ruined my air castles i had built of perfect way to fall in love.

Confused, right? I'll explain. It was the laziest and scorching noon of JUNE, 2015 when it happened. Chemistry has never pissed me off like it did that noon, as if it was hell bent on making me cry when I was tutoring the girl of my neighborhood for her CSAT. I was the university topper in chemistry with a gold medal. Hence, she resorted to me for her exam and that day chemistry was planning to slander me before Deva (That's what her name is).

Winded, I decided to take a break and logged in my friend's book account. She was also resting and then, out of nowhere, prodded me to search a boy who happened to be her crush and studied in the same university with her. Mentally rolling my eyes at her incongruity, I asked her to tell me the name and she shyly typed it, 'Kushal Raichand'.

Three pages were loaded but she was disappointed because she couldn't find the guy, so I grabbed my cellphone back and asked her to focus on the book. Meanwhile, I searched for the guy with the description of his DP she'd given me. Most part of this impudence, I was cursing why was I doing it but at the same time, the judgemental hidden inside me was dying to mark its next target.

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