Expectancy.
It's something that I had been chasing ever since but it felt like there's no end to it. I thought graduating from high school would be it. I thought finishing my degree in college would be it. I thought finding a job that's gonna pay me enough to live would be it.
I thought it'll be when a guy would kiss me and pin me to a wall whispering sinful things as he praises my body. I thought it'll be when a girl's touch would linger than normal. I always thought I would find it through someone--through feeling, through touching. But it didn't seem to fill up the void of expectancy creeping inside me.
I thought it'll be when I can buy anything I want or go to anywhere I want. But it doesn't satiate anything inside. It's like I am expecting anything more and whatever I do it's never enough.
And it sucks. It sucks that you know you're looking for something--anything, but never knowing what the hell it was.
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Randomyou were six and you're never good enough. you do this wrong, you did that right -but not quite. you were six. and you're never good enough. you're thirteen and ain't smart enough. you can't pronounce faux pas properly. you cannot derive formulas...
