It All Started In Rehab ✓

[Chapter Thirty-Four] Broken Lives. Julian

Chapter Thirty-Four – Broken Lives; Julian
Julian's Pov

That was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I felt so fucking betrayed when I saw her about to do a line and I didn't know how to react so I just kind of lost it.

It made me sick to see her like this and I have never felt such anger and hate towards her when she offered me cocaine. It took everything I had in me to refuse and as I smashed the mirror I smashed away the person I was for the time being and embraced the old me.

I was ruthless and violent in the midst of my drug use. I fought and beat the shit out of people and I didn't listen to anyone. When she wouldn't give it to me I wanted to wrap my hands around her fucking throat and shake some sense into her.

I made Kylie get out, I know I should be the one taking orders from her, but I was in no mood to deal with her. I would get what I wanted and sooner or later, Bailey would understand that. I refused to let her have that shit and if I had to scare the shit out of her to get it I would.

It killed me to think that she would leave me after this but it would be worth it.

I tore apart the room in rage, I heard her screaming for me to stop but I was past being reasoned with. I gave her the chance to tell me and now I would find it myself. She gave in and told me where it was, over my fucking cold dead body would I let her put that shit in her system.

I made her flush it and then she was screaming. Her words stung and cut right through my heart when she told me she hated me and for the first time she kept swinging and it was out of pure anger for me. she has gotten stronger the past month and to say I didn't feel it would be a lie.

I held her against me and she sobbed and she was throwing out everything she could think of to push me away from her. All anger turned into pain and I felt like my heart was being ripped out seeing her break down. She was screaming and crying and then she just said she missed Lacey.

Lacey, that name was so fucking painful to think about.

When she was in pain I was in pain too. I wanted to take it all away from her but I just couldn't. I cared more about her than she would ever imagine but as she begged me to have sex with her and tried to take her clothes off she was a person I didn't recognize.

She was desperate to feel, just like I used to be. Sure I could have taken her to bed and given her what she wanted. I could have buried myself inside her and we could have forgotten all the fucking bad things that had happened but as soon as that was over and it all sunk in it would destroy her.

She would hate herself and me for it and it would only make her worse. She was already in such a delicate place and I was afraid that one wrong move and I would lose her like I lost Lacey.

The more she begged and the more desperate she got the harder it was to say no because old habits die hard and I wish I could just be selfish right now and give in, it would make me feel better and that craving I've had for her would be satisfied but I just couldn't be selfish and that was that.

I had to think about her, I was always thinking about her and I hoped she could understand that.

I didn't know where to go from here, I know I hurt her and I scared her but she just couldn't understand just how much she hurt me today.

Cocaine destroyed my life and I've spent so many months terrified to get better and going through hell, we all have. But to have my fucking girlfriend offer me cocaine, I never thought she could hurt me like that and her whole world and the severity of this all crashed around her.

She got away from me and I tried to hold her but she backed away from me and looked at me like she was a monster that could lose it at any moment. Like she was some heartless creature barley hanging onto her humanity and I knew that wasn't true.