Red Rain

Chapter 17 - The Chain

Aron apparently is not, in fact, capable of cooking pizza rolls properly, so Paul is forced to bail him out before he sets the cabin on fire.

Not really, though. But the stench of burning chemically-created delicious savory treats gets everywhere, so Aron might as well have burned the place down for all the good he's done. We're all forced to retreat to the basement or the upper level, because the main floor is almost uninhabitable at this point, even with the kitchen vents going full blast.

In the basement, Steve challenges Aron to a game of pool while I sit and watch Gabe and Fionna face off at Wii Sports. They sling all sorts of playful insults at each other in the heat of their virtual tennis match - Gabe gets in a number of "you play like a girl" jokes, while Fionna counters with cracks about the remotes not working well with Gabe's limp wrists. (Hint: he doesn't have any. Limp wrists, that is.)

"Dude, are you just gonna let her keep making a mockery of my people?" Gabe yells at me after about ten minutes of this.

I pretend not to hear him, instead turning towards the basement steps and making exaggerated sniffs. Sure enough, the burning-pizza-roll smell is vanishing, to be replaced with something a bit fishy. I personally don't mind, but I'm not sure if it'll go over so well with everyone else.

"Come on, be a cheeky bastard and help your bro out!" Gabe complains.

"I take no sides in this matter!" I say, holding up my hands. "And why would you say 'your people?' You're about the most un-gay gay dude in existence."

"True," says Gabe. He really does pride himself on not conforming to campy stereotypes.

"You gotta take a side, Feathers," Fionna says.

"Hmm," I say, nibbling my thumb. "My twin brother, or my girlfriend? Decisions, decisions. Love or blood? Uh...no, I can't pick! I'm sorry!"

I raise my hands to protect myself as Gabe and Fionna take the remotes off their wrists and throw them at my face.

"What's happening?" Jeanne Darknell asks, coming down the stairs just in time to see Gabe running up and Gibbs-slapping me.

"This is so very much not what it looks like," I'm quick to say, pushing Gabe away.

"I figured as much," Jeanne says. "Lunch is ready, by the way. We have tuna sandwiches, or we could do grilled-cheese if you're a vegetarian."

"Any vegetarians here?" Aron asks. Everyone else in the room shakes their heads. "No grilled cheese, then."

"Good to know," Jeanne says. "Paul was threatening to crack the frying pan on the head of the next one who asked for it."

Fionna laughs as she climbs the stairs. "I don't think so."

"Yeah, you're right." Jeanne sighs, her bluff called. "I suck at jokes. I really do."

"You're pretty good with memes, though," I say. "Remember when I bought Cinder, and you did the River Song 'spoilers' thing?"

"That was just a random stroke of luck," Jeanne says. "Ask Paul. He can tell you stories about how much I've got no comic timing."

"I do believe we will," I say as I reach the top of the stairs, right behind Fionna.

"Please don't," Jeanne says moodily. "I'm sorry I said that. Truly, I am."

"Don't be," Gabe says, following me into the kitchen. "You don't seem to be too bad. If it's any consolation, I thought the frying-pan joke was funny. Weird, but funny."