Dare to Fall

Chapter XXXIII

I never felt so lonely yesterday. I never stopped crying last night and I never knew that I fell asleep, feeling that my pillow is now soaked from salty tears that came out from my eyes is more devastating to realize that I can never imagine myself nor see myself being happy once again with a complete family.

Maybe this is the end of my family, a devastating, horrific and horrendous ending that I would never imagine, even growing up never did I ever once thought of a scenario just like this one. Never did I imagine myself being in the shoes of the other person and live a day, seeing their own perspectives.

But I can see my own self, standing in an empty room, an empty house, alone and I'll never ever feel the presence of my parents who were once there, supporting me even though I was a homewrecker at the age of 5.

I can never be that same old kid again, smiling like there's no tomorrow and doesn't care if the boys bully her because of the gap between her teeth and the way she eats her ice cream can turn every single guy off but actually, she eats like that because she's just hungry, at the age of 5.

At the age of 5. 

I repeated in my thoughts, that's the age that I once saw my family complete. Going out on vacations together, waiting for parents to go home at around 7 PM at night together, holding hands and embracing me as they walked together through the front door.

I can not believe my life has become more depressed than it already has been. It's the worst, I mean it is the second worst thing before not receiving your food at your table in the restaurant and when the waiter comes with food, a smile will creep on its way to your face...

but then you'll see the waiter pass your table and that's when you'll realize that the food isn't yours. Devastating.

I won't let myself be sailed away by my depression. I need to get out of my room and forget about what happened, I need to be strong even though I was once weak. I need to be the person who understands even though she doesn't want to because it'll just hurt her facing the truth.

Because truth has been told, truth hurts. But we have to accept that fact and we just have to live with it instead of living your life with a bunch of lies, which I hope you'll be able to survive one day if you ever encounter one.

I stood up from the bed, not minding whatever has happened to my face nor my hair. Because I know at this very moment that if I look at myself in the mirror, I'll just see a hobo and I don't want my reflection to run away from me.

I went downstairs, feeling the doleful and lonely atmosphere around me truly sucks. As if someone just died, or maybe my soul did. I walked towards the kitchen to grab something to eat.

"Surprise!" My mom shouted as confetti showers over my head and the little pieces of beautiful colors of the rainbow was now scattered on the floor, leaving the kitchen a big mess.

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you... Happy Birthday dear Hailey, Happy Birthday to you," Mom sang and I swear to god, her voice moves me every time. She has the most angelic voice I have ever heard, besides to Beyonce.

"Make a wish, honey," Mom said as she picks up the chocolate cake and lights it up with fire. I looked at the candles and a smiled formed its way to my face, I closed my eyes and made a wish.

Even though wishing for something more than this won't be able to come true but at least Mom did this for me, all by herself. Even though she knew that I was struggling this whole time, seeing my dad come back home yesterday from work which took him 2-3 months and then leave us again for another 2 or more months.

I opened my eyes and blew the candles. My mom placed the cake down on the kitchen counter and she opened her arms, welcoming me to hug her. I walked towards her and I received the warmest bear hug and I wanted to melt in that moment.

"I know that your birthday was yesterday and we didn't get to celebrate well and I know you're still devastated about your father leaving us again but I just want you to know, there's always a reason for all of this and he's just doing his job to provide us our needs and to do his job as a father and a husband."