Breaking Eden - (rough draft)

12 - Eden begins... (4/21/19)

Hey guys! Give it a read and let me know down below in the comments what you honestly think. Good or bad, I'll take it if it'll help improve my story.

As always, please point out any mistakes you may find while reading. Fresh eyes see everything I miss. And don't forget to vote, comment, and share to help get Breaking Eden to #1! :0)

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12

Eden begins...

"I brought you what you asked for." Hamlin pulled the spiral notebook from the paper bag and held it out towards Eden.

The girl took it without a word but didn't meet his gaze. Instead, her eyes were downcast, staring transfixed like at the bright red cover before her.

Hamlin joined the others at the foot of the bed. Him on the far left nearest the door; Barbra the ball buster sat wedged in the middle and Jones was on her right dwarfed by the giant next to her. But they all sat eagerly waiting to hear her story.

"Which color would you like first?" Maddi's cheeks fatten as she grinned down at Eden. "You can pick whichever one you want."

"Red?" Maddi pressed her thumb against the red lever.

Eden shook her head, no.

"Green?" She moved her thumb to cover the color next to it.

Eden shook her head, no.

"Yellow? Blue? Purple? Orange?" She pointed to each of the colors, and each received the same shake of the head, no. Eden didn't want any of them.

When Maddi's thumb landed on the only color left Eden nodded. She had claimed her color.

"Well then, black it is. It isn't a necessarily a happy color, but it'll do the job." Maddi Devers smiled her bubbly grin and thumbed the black lever down before handing the pen to Eden.

Eden glared at the offending red cover of the notebook; hating the history she shared with the shade. Her remaining fingers curled over the top of it. With more effort than she'd wish to admit, she worked at the cover, ripping it off, and allowed the stiff cardboard to slip over the side of the bed and out of her sight.

Then all is well again when she spotted the fresh blue and white page.

She took hold of the pen, fumbled with it before finding a good grip between her shaking fingers. The pain in her hand intensified the moment she put pen to paper and began to write.

The three at the end of the bed starred on with anticipation for her to finish writing. They watched Eden struggle to form the letters but allowed her to take all the time she needed.

The nurse settled in next to Eden's side and helped her when it was needed. It took almost five minutes for Eden to scribble three words and it was another two minutes until she was done underlining each word.

She ripped the page free, folded it in half as best as she could and held it out toward them.

It was Barbra who got to the offered page first. She snatched it away only mere seconds before Hamlin could get to it. When she unfolded it, she had to squint down at the sloppy letters to try and read the words.

"What does it say?" Hamlin asked, trying to peak over her shoulder.

"No more red." Barbra answered read slowly and glanced up at Eden. "Do you not like the color red?"

Eden nodded.

"Well then no more red." Barbra cast a stern glare at Hamlin as she folded the page in half and handed it to him. "Just in case you forget."

Eden took a deep, calming breath and began. She picked up the pen and dragged it across a fresh page, forming barely legible letters but letters non-the less. With every few strokes came to a much-needed break, which gathered the attention of the three at the end of the bed. They all leaned forward, anticipating another page to be torn from the notebook and handed over, but none came.

The bandages covering Eden's hands are thick and cumbersome. The bulk alone slowed her down, but it was the cramping pain that she forced herself to push through.

My name, as you now know, is Eden Burrows.

I was kidnapped precisely ten years, eight months, three weeks and six days ago. For you all to truly understand what became of me, I must take you back to the beginning, back to when I first met Declan Payne at Harvey's Burlesque Theater.

Words: 862

Don't forget to check out my other stories!

The Hilstead Experiment: 1986 - Three prisoners escape an experiment involving human subjects.

The Hilstead Experiment: Adrift - Ten strangers board a plane that crashes into the ocean, turning their promised paradise vacation into a deadly experiment of survival.

The Carriers - Tainted meat turns a small farming town into a parasitic zombie war zone only a vegetarian can handle.

In The Pines- Annabel Lee enters into the highest rated gameshow of the afterlife to win a second chance at life.

And if you're looking for writing advice check out my story Year of the Author.