❝Good people are like candles. They burn themselves up to give others light.❞
order of the phoenix » deathly hallows
plot credit: vioietends
amandla fitzgerald stand alone
cover by lokidyinginside
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CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE. REDEMPTION CALLS
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The breakfast before her was getting cold as she just stared at it, hunger not found inside her. She was looking at Cevira, who didn't seem as happy, across there at the Ravenclaw table, avoiding her eyes. Amandla wondered if the girl could feel her eyes burning into her skull or if she truly was oblivious to it. It was after Christmas, a holiday spent alone in utter silence as only Anastasia spoke to her, and they were only words of school and grades. She hoped that her gift would be enough for a word or two, but it seemed like Amandla was wrong.
She sighed in devastation, looking down at the sausage and eggs on her plate and the drink in her glass. She looked around at the other people at her table, they were all smiling and talking to each other and she felt so lonely. They had their friends who didn't leave them, had friends they kept no secrets from, and here she was keeping all these secrets even after the promise she made to Cevira.
Amandla didn't mean to break it. When she made that promise, which felt like forever ago, she fully intended on keeping it. Spoke the words I promise honestly and with all her heart, but life happened – family happened – and she had to break it. Draco needed her, and she couldn't say a thing. She couldn't. Cevira didn't need to know – she didn't need to drown. But Amandla would drown, she would drown and die again and again for Draco because he was family and he was worth it. She would drown for Cevira, Corey, Pansy...she would die for any of her friends, really.
Cevira broke out into a smile, looking at her brother as she was, for the first time that morning, included into the conversation. Even her eyes seemed to smile, throwing her head back as her mouth grew wider and she let out a mirthful noise that Amandla couldn't hear due to the distance between them.
The distance between them. It wasn't just physical, seeing her over there with her brother and his friends. Over there were she had been every day for months, every evening too. Over there were she had been in the common room of the Hufflepuff basement on the other side of the room and away from Amandla. She was over there on her bed at the beginning of the room, where she wasn't before, but she had traded with another of their roommates.
It was there even when they were beside each other. A friendship strained by lies and secrets, all from her, all because of her. It was there because Amandla was afraid to speak to her friend, afraid to say a word in case she was turned down again, be hurt even more. It was there because she found herself wanting to call out for Cevira before remembering, breath hitching in her throat as sobs clawed their way up before being forced down. It was there because she couldn't say a word about what was happening to her and that was all she wanted; to tell Cevira, to let her know. To not let another secret get between them, but she couldn't.
