Bad is an Understatement | ✓

Epilogue

A year and a half. That's how long it's been since I've had my daughter with me. That's how long I've actually lost Jack for. That's how long its been since I left LA and most its people in the past.

As per the sentence, I completed a year of full time community service volunteering at various charities and community events. Along with the service, I spent most of my time studying at The University of British Columbia: Okanagan and with Penelope.

"I love you," I kiss Penelope's forehead.

"I love you too mommy," she returns my kiss with one of her own on my cheek.

"Now, remember to be nice. If anyone harasses you, be the bigger person and walk away. If they still don't stop, just land one of those punches you showed me that daddy taught you. Okay?" I wink at her.

She giggles, "Okay mommy."

She kisses my cheek once again before heading off to her first year of grade school.

I wave at her as she disappears behind the classroom's door and walk back to the car to drive home.

I've missed six years, 2,190 days, 52,560 hours, 3,153,600 minute, and 189,216,000 seconds with my daughter. That's counting the three months I kept her when she was born. All I have from her infant years are the stories Zoe tells me or the pictures of all three of them together.

It depresses me thinking of how I missed her first word, which apparently was mom, her first step or the first drawing she ever made. Lucky for me Jack kept everything neatly tucked in a box, but it isn't the same as being there and witnessing it all happen first hand.

Nothing felt right when I first moved in with Penelope and Zoe. It still doesn't, I've just gotten used it. I promised myself that I'll be there for Penelope no matter what.

I pull up onto our driveway and head inside. I put the keys on the kitchen counter, grab a glass of orange juice and sit down on the dining table. Sighing heavily, I look at the pile of letters that still needed to be opened.

I put my glass down on the side as I go through the various bills. I have to pay my cell phone, electricity, water, home phone, internet, basic cable, mortgage, and credit card bills, all for just this month. I turn on my laptop, and one by one pay off the bills.

Money hasn't been an issue for us right now with Zoe helping out, and mine and Jack's savings, but just so we don't run out, I've started fighting three days a week here in Kelowna.

It feels weird showing up at home with a black eye. A six year old makes the craziest theories ever, but I just play along.

All the responsibilities I have were overwhelming at first, but with time things got a lot easier. Especially with the fact that I'm learning financing in business, I'm actually good with all the financing that needs to be done.

Once I'm done paying the bills, I close the laptop and head to the living room. It feels nice having the whole house to myself sometimes. At times like these, I get to be the old Riley again.

I turn on the radio, which plays The Feeling by Justin Bieber ft. Halsey. I take a seat and start thinking.

I wonder why my life turned out the way it did. I think, and I think, and I think, but I always end with the same thought. I wouldn't change anything, because at the end of the day, when I put Penelope to bed, I see myself in her. I want to give her the childhood I never got.

I'm scared that if things had turned out differently for me, then things could've turned out differently for her. Differently as in bad. I would never want her going through anything I've been through.