War of Hearts 》Bellamy Blake

XV

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I hope your day has been great! xo 

*UNEDITED*

*****

he says
i am sorry I am not an easy person to want
i look at him surprised
who said I wanted easy
i don't crave easy
i crave goddamn difficult

- Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey.

*****

Brinley swallowed down her pride as she followed Bellamy outside the gates of Arkadia.

She couldn't tell if Bellamy hadn't heard her follow behind him, or if he just didn't care. Either way, Bellamy hadn't given any indication that he knew he was being followed.

Until he stopped.

'What do you want?'

Bellamy's voice rang clear and emotionless into the night. He didn't turn his head, or acknowledge her presence save for the words leaving his lips that Brinley knew were directed to her.

Even though the words were emotionless, uncaring almost, Bellamy's hands were still tensed into fists by his sides, and there was a slight tremor in his shoulders that Brinley was almost positive wasn't coming from the cool air surrounding them.

'To see if you're okay.' Brinley matched Bellamy's emotionless tone with her own.

'I'm fine.'

Brinley rolled her eyes at the generic answer, though Bellamy couldn't see the action.

'Bullshit.'

This time, Brinley's voice wasn't emotionless, it was full of spite, and it took Bellamy off guard for a moment.

'What?'

'You heard me.' Brinley reiterated, 'Bullshit. You're not fine, Bellamy.'

Bellamy laughed without humour, his jaw tense. 'You don't get to have an opinion, Brinley. Go load the rover.'

Brinley partially ignored Bellamy's order, though it irked her to no end. 'So you're telling me that what we just did – burning our friends' bodies, doesn't bother you in the slightest, that you're totally fine with it?'

'Stop.' Bellamy forced out through grit teeth. He was already feeling terrible and he didn't need Brinley to remind him of all he'd done. It was bad enough hearing the atrocities he'd committed fall from Octavia's mouth, let alone Brinley's mouth too.

'Stop what? If you're fine then what I'm saying shouldn't bother you.' Brinley knew she was being cruel, but in her experience Bellamy responded better to unkind words than kind ones.

They were one and the same in that respect, atleast.

'What's your game? What do you want from me?' Bellamy turned to face her fully, a look of indifference on his face.

Brinley shrugged. 'The same thing you wanted from me the night the exodus ship went down. I want you to admit it.'

'Admit what?' Bellamy had crossed his arms, frustration seeping into his voice at Brinley's callousness. He'd wanted to be alone, wanted a few minutes to grieve without judgemental eyes on him.

'That you're not okay! That this is affecting you just as much as it's affecting everyone else!' Brinley challenged strongly.

'Why does it matter, why do you care?' Bellamy stepped forward, rising to the challenge in her tone, any ounce of his self control slipping away, as it always did where Brinley was concerned.

'Because I need to know there's still hope for you!' Brinley snapped. 'I need to know that you haven't completely lost who you are somewhere in the midst of all this fucking madness!'

Brinley's voice cracked as she shoved Bellamy's chest, pushing him backwards slightly. Bellamy couldn't understand why it mattered to her, or why there was suddenly so much emotional turmoil on her face as she pressed her hands against her lips as though trapping words that were begging to break free.