I have always been the other girl. I know. It sucks. I'm the girl who someone used to forget someone. I'm the girl who caused a breakup over a relationship. I'm the girl who a guy cheats with.
I'm not supposed to be okay with it. But somehow, there is this feeling deep in my gut that asks why people would want to risk something stable and something safe just so they can have a taste of my time? I'm not supposed to be okay with it but somehow, it makes me feel validated.
And it all comes back to the inner problem -my need to be validated. My need to be chosen over someone else because I'm tired of being not the chosen one. I'm tired of seeing someone being chosen over me.
Do I let myself fall into the rabbit hole of being validated, when I know people are hurting because of my greed? Or do I just let people choose someone else over me and writhe in my own pain?
The conflicting emotions are hard to deal with so I just lock myself, alone. Somehow contented of being neither of the two.
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Randomyou were six and you're never good enough. you do this wrong, you did that right -but not quite. you were six. and you're never good enough. you're thirteen and ain't smart enough. you can't pronounce faux pas properly. you cannot derive formulas...
