How To Be A Hoe

16 | The Cheese Sandwich

The ride back was pretty much eventless.

As only one other person was accompanying the two of you, you could finally sit in peace without the danger of exciting another unsuspecting person. Occasionally glancing over at Jimin, who slumped, sleeping in the seat next to you, you would close his mouth, which would simply fall open again.

The cycle repeated over and over for hundreds of times until Namjoon, who was the designated driver this time, announced that they had reached yours and Jimin's place.

You reached over, gently shaking Jimin's shoulder. The boy stirred, but didn't wake up.

"If I had some water, I'd help you dump it over his head," Namjoon spoke after a few seconds of watching you struggle to wake the boy up. "But for now...maybe you could flick his forehead or something?"

You smiled a little before shaking Jimin more aggressively.

No response.

Your eyes narrowed, meeting Namjoon's in the rearview mirror. The peach-haired boy shrugged, and you pursed your lips before turning back to Jimin and following Namjoon's earlier advice by forcefully connecting them with his forehead.

The boy was up immediately.

"Holy shit," he groaned, rubbing his forehead in half-shock, half-indignation as he proceeded to glare at you. "That was so powerful I thought I was going to get yeeted to the next universe."

"Get up and get out," Namjoon deadpanned.

"But since it was that good of a flick, I'll let it slide this time," Jimin continued, nodding at you in approval before following Namjoon's instructions. "Are we home already?"

"I wouldn't call it a home, exactly," you answered tersely, watching as the car backed up and retreated down the street. "We're at the apartment we share, yes, if that answers your question."

"Question answered," Jimin said dryly, not bothering to wait for you before strolling towards the building.

|

"You know," you said thoughtfully, as Jimin unlocked the apartment. "They're not so bad. Your friends, I mean."

Jimin didn't respond, so you continued.

"I think this fuckboy business is overrated." You sighed, stretching your arms tiredly. "You're just trying to be walking clichés, and failing miserably."

He rolled his eyes, turning around. "What makes you say that?"

"As far as I've read, you are supposed to be angsty." You poked your finger into his chest. "And depressing and sexy. Well, never mind the last part, but you seem pretty chill to me."

Jimin raised a silvery eyebrow. Which was amusing enough on its own, because the dedication behind that one silver eyebrow was applaudable. "So you think fuckboys have sob stories?"

You blinked, then felt a little embarrassed. "No?"

He laughed. "If I'm being honest, most people out there care only about sex. We're just honest about it, so that's why they call us that." He shrugged. "And that reminds me..."

With the dramatic pause of a veteran performer, he spun a slow circle and proceeded to walk over to the couch before sitting down with an oof. "I can see right through you."

"How interesting," you commented, not interested at all as you made your way over to the fridge, hungry despite having had some amazing (don't tell Jimin) pancakes just an hour or so ago. "Tell me more. Or rather, don't."

"By now it's pretty clear that you're in this hoe business not just for the, well, activities," he said, picking a loose thread on the sofa with the fingernail of his index finger. "You're interested in Taehyung. I see that. But you also enjoy making out."

You held up a finger, not looking up from the fridge. "Arguable."

"Not arguable." He sat up against the back comfortably, a smug smile on his lips as he continued to abuse the poor thread. "Everyone enjoys making out. That's almost a fact. And for someone who hasn't made out for almost nineteen years—that's a whole nineteen years wasted—I can guess the experience would be even more mind-blowing."

For a moment, you didn't answer, being too absorbed in surveying the contents of the fridge. You spotted a cheese sandwich sitting there by itself, and picked it up to check whether it was stale or not.

It wasn't.

This is fate, you thought happily, grabbing the mouth-watering delicacy and shutting the door of the refrigerator before going over to where Jimin was sitting.

"And you don't seem to be interested in my genius observations, but it's your loss," he muttered under his breath as you sat down next to him. "The point is, you want to get with Taehyung."

Even though you'd had only a bite of your sandwich, you set it down for the sole purpose of passing your roommate a look. "Nicely phrased."

"It's accurate, though," he replied, shrugging off his jacket and yawning. "And I thought, why not help you with that specifically?"

That got your attention. You couldn't say for sure if it was his offer that interested you or your harbored curiosity to know reason behind it, but you placed the plate in your hands on the table before you and turned towards him, cocking your head to the side.

"I don't want to sound inattentive or anything, but," you said, patting your thighs, "come again?"

"It's exactly as it sounds." He ran his thumb over the loose thread that was scarily close to breaking away from the rest of the cover. "I help you get with Taehyung. In return, you help me get with girls. It's a mutual benefit situation."

You snorted, making him raise his eyebrows. "Okay, I'll bite. What's the catch?"

"The catch is the same as it always has been," he said, his preoccupied hand now attacking the poor thread more aggressively. "There's like, a ninety percent chance that he's going to dump you."

For a split second, your spirits deflated. "Oh."

"But I already told you that." The threat was close to detaching almost completely, but was hanging on for dear life against the force of Jimin's prying fingers. "He'll be with you for a few weeks, maybe a month or two if you're lucky. Then it's bye-bye."

Not quite impressed by his factual speech, you pressed your lips together and stared at him. "So you mean—"

"Oh, and he might cheat in you during that time," he said. "Scratch that, he's definitely going to cheat on you. So you should be ready, both mentally and physically, to fight all odds."

"I'm torn between wanting to date him for the heck of dating him and not dating him because...that."

He gave the thread one last, powerful tug, making a longer part of the thread untangle itself from the sewing instead. "Oops," he mumbled. "Uh, anyway, that's it. And don't think about dumping him before he can dump you, either, because that never works. That guy is psychic."

"I doubt that," you muttered.

"And—oh, that looks tasty." Hardly had Jimin finished his sentence when he reached over and plucked your sandwich off the plate. You barely had time to open your mouth, forced to watch in horror as he took a gigantic bite out of your meal. "Wow, I'm hungry."

"Sincerely, fuck you," you spat at him, watching him with dismay written over your features as he consumed your meal. "I guess I'll never get to finish a cheese sandwich."

||

so if you all are getting confused as to why they make out so much if it was supposed to be just a deal, it's simply to highlight the fact that their relationship is almost entirely based on hormones. she does want taehyung, but she is also attracted to jimin.

she likes taehyung. she lusts jimin.

see?