French Teacher

Chapter 36

I wasn't sure whether it was just me or not, but I was certain there was something going on between Kim and Beck. I caught a text from Beck in Kim's phone. When I asked her about it she just responded with a shy smile. I could have sworn there was a hint of blush there.

"You like him, don't you?" I finally asked her.

"What?" She responded way too quickly. "No."

I didn't want to be an idiot. I knew there was a little something something and I hate being declined for something I was on to. It irritates me. It annoys me. It makes me feel stupid in spite actually being right.

"You do!" I retorted. "And since when have you been texting each other?"

"We've been texting for months now." She said matter of factly.

I raised a brow, couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Why haven't I heard about this?"

Kim shrugged. "You were busy with your own stuff."

And in that instant, my stomach dropped...and I felt awful. I looked at Kim and reevaluated if I had any clue on what had been happening in her life.

I felt more bad when I couldn't think of one.

"Kim...I'm sorry." Was all I could manage with the embarrassment I felt for myself as a friend.

"Why are you saying sorry?" She asked. "Stuff had been going on in your life, okay? I get it."

I was moved with how genuine her smile was. But it just didn't cut it. I still felt awful.

"No, this is totally unfair for you. I-I've been too caught up. I-I-I feel stupid. I didn't even know two of my best friends were already hitting it off."

Kim blushed like there's no tomorrow. "Shut up, Pey, oh my god. We-We're not hitting it off!"

"Regardless," I started before she had the chance. "I had no idea...I'm a horrible friend."

Kim smiled before taking my hand and cherished it. "Penny, really. I understand." She said comfortly. "Stuff had been going on with you. Stuff that had never happened before. I get that. And stuff never happens to you, not as big enough to make you zone out and make you not...you. You've been very unusual, Penny, and I'm not sure whether I should be happy about it or not, but one things for sure, things are happening for you and I'm pretty sure it's a big deal for someone who cared about nothing other than studying. I've never seen you like this before...and I think it's a good thing."

I let that sink in. And I found it completely astonishing how Kim put it that way. And I thought about it. And honestly....she was right.

Suddenly, something clicked. Then I thought, could this be the reason why I haven't picked up what's been happening to Lloyd? Could this be the reason why I couldn't understand him? Was it because I've been too stuck into with my own problems that I haven't been paying attention to my friends?

The thought was enough for my heart to drop all the way down to my feet. I couldn't help but think of myself as a terrible friend, how I've been too self-evolved, too hang up on my own emotional crap that I haven't been there for my friends.

I hated myself.

I thought about Lloyd, and how the desire of talking to him again was devouring me alive.

____

Later that day I found Lloyd heading to the library alone. At first I was going to call out to him, but then I realized something. I squinted my eyes in confusion, knowing full well that he wasn't going in there with the purpose of studying, to borrow a book or even just to sleep. No, Lloyd Nelson would never.