"S-sorry!" I struggled to release myself from the ropes I was tied with. Carter laughed as he bought the disgusting lizard close to my face.
"Front or back guys?" He asked his friends.
What does he means by front or back!? God! No! What is he goin...
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|🌀|CHAPTER:59|🌀|
It was the day. The day my life was to change drastically. The day I was going to be tied to someone- to someone who I didn't really want to be with.
I couldn't believe it was my wedding in just eleven hours. It was as if after eleven hours my life would end. I couldn't stop my heart from sinking deeper and deeper. It was that feeling when you get to know you have only eleven hours to live after which you'll die. That feeling, that thought, it made me to actually want to die.
Dying was a thousand times better than the life I had ahead. Days earlier, I thought I'd cry rivers on my wedding day. But at that time no single tear left my eye. My eyes did not even dampened. I could witness the hustle bustle in my house as I roamed around. I had stopped praying. Because I knew they weren't going to be answered.
The events leading to that day had weakened my faith in God. In fact it had shattered my faith in God. And I was not sure if I would even have those shattered pieces of faith left with me after the marriage.
My eyes were heavy, tired, but sleep wouldn't come. My back ached, my feet hurt, yet I wanted to not sit down, I wanted to pain my own self more. I wanted to torture myself. My brain was unable to think properly.
Because I had accepted myself as someone worthlessly unwanted. For me it was my death that night. Because I was tired; tired of expecting things from people and then getting my expectations crushed. If it was about me, it wouldn't have mattered much. Because I had been going through this torture all my life.
But then I felt like my heart had become weak. And it was the first time I experienced what heart-ache actually was. It was worst than being hit in school, it was way hurtful than physical pain.
And this morning, my heart warned to giveup. I permitted it to give up and it did. It did beat, pumped blood, did whatever all hearts do but it was not alive. It was just surviving. My mind had already lost all hopes days back, but my heart always built those hopes again.
The heart had had too much. It refused to let let any hopes enter inside it. It pushed away each and every good thought that made it work nicely. Strolling around the house, I couldn't find any place that provided peace. It was as if I couldn't find peace anywhere.
