Treat You Better

25.

25.
Finally, it was the weekend and how was I spending my weekend? Listening to Ashley tell me about hers and Lucas’ sex life which seemed to be a recurring subject. It was like some cosmic joke, like karma reminding me just how shitty I am as a person. We had both decided to go to a small coffee shop before my shift a work and she is just going on and on about Lucas and how ‘good’ he is. Not knowing that I have experienced first-hand just how ‘good’ Lucas is, wow I really am a shitty person.

Every piece of information she told me was slightly harrowing, I felt sicker by the second- like I was going to faint any minute, frankly I couldn’t spend another hour with her. But I was going to have to, things needed to seem normal; if I kept walking out on her and Tyler they would think something was up, they would start to ask questions, questions I couldn’t give the answers too and then everything would come toppling down.

I won’t let that happen.

So I stayed another hour, until I had to leave to go to work, I tried to change the subject a few times but it always led back to Lucas, much to my dismay.

Finally, I left, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and walked in the opposite direction towards my work place. It seemed a little busier than usual today and my supervisor was on my ass about everything- so much that Josh and I couldn’t have our little chats over the shelves as usual. I ran my hands through my hair and tried to keep up with the jobs she was giving me, not only did our little shop supply all the students with textbooks, we also had to distribute to the local colleges and community college. We took in the textbooks, stamped them with the colleges logo and then repackaged them to give to the colleges and this took forever.

When my shift was finished I walked outside and looked for my boyfriend, but instead found Lucas leaning against his car. I sighed and gave Josh a little hug goodbye, walking over to Lucas.

“Tyler sent me, his says his essay is taking forever.” I nodded and climbed into the car I was all too familiar with. Lucas followed after me but didn’t start the car.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“Nothing, start the car.” I mumbled.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He said softly, turning towards me.

“I’m just stressed.” I admitted.

“Why?” He pressed further.

“I’ve got pages of homework to be in but I can’t bring myself to do any of it, I have my parents on at me about acceptance letters to colleges I don’t even want to go to, Tyler is getting stressed about his acceptance letters which somehow comes onto me, Ash likes to spend every minute of the day talking about you which makes me feel guilty, I am working my ass off at work trying to earn enough money so I can go to college- if I ever decided where I want to go or what I want to do and while this is all happening I have to pretend to be the perfect girlfriend who hasn’t slept with, not only, her boyfriend’s brother but her best friends boyfriend. Each is just as shitty and I managed to do both in one night, like killing two birds with one stone.” I gave a dry laugh at the end. Lucas leaned over and took my face in his rough hands, stroking my cheek and running his hands through my hair.

“You work too hard.” He stated. “You need to relax a little.”

I scoffed in response, “You think?”

“Don’t worry about Tyler getting into college; he’ll do it. Don’t worry about Ash and Tyler; what they don’t know won’t hurt them. Don’t worry about deciding what to do; you have your whole life to figure that out. Don’t worry about disappointing your parents; they’ll get over it. Stop worrying for a few minutes and relax.” I closed my eyes and relaxed into his touch.

“I’m trying.” I whispered.

“That’s okay too.” He replied. Lucas leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine, our breaths tickling each other’s skin- an eyelash length away from one another. Our lips ghosted and teased, never actually connecting. They brushed against one another, neither of us wanted to add to the guilt but it was like we couldn’t help ourselves, we constantly gravitated towards each other and I couldn’t explain why. We kissed momentarily but before it could go any further I pulled away.

“We should go.” I whispered, Lucas agreed and started the car taking me back to their house.

Tonight, I was staying at Tyler’s; I didn’t feel like going home, I lay in the bed next to him while he was finishing his essay on his laptop, I just scrolled through my Facebook feed. I heard a massive sigh of relief and the click of a laptop being closed. Tyler put his computer on his bedside table and then turned towards me, he brought his lips to the crook of my neck, placing kissing on my soft skin.

“You in the mood?” I shook my head, Tyler and I hadn’t had sex since I’d slept with Lucas; it didn’t feel right and it would make me feel even more guilty.

“I’m really tired.” I mumbled, Tyler seemed disappointed but respected me, he turned the other way and turned the lights off.

Once again, I can’t sleep. I try my best to lie still so that I don’t wake Tyler up. I stealthily grabbed my phone from its charging position on the floor and turned it on. I saw that Holden had messaged me, I gave him my number the other night and he must have only just got around to texting me. I messaged something quick to him and much to my surprise, he replied.

From: Holden

What are you doing up?

I sighed and looked at the time, nearly two in the morning.

To: Holden

I can’t sleep.

From: Holden

I’m on my way.

I crunched my face in confusion, why the hell was he coming to get me and how the hell did he know I was at Tyler’s house. Instead of pondering it any longer I slipped on my jeans and shoes, grabbed my phone and creeped down the stairs and out of the house, waiting for Holden to come and pick me up. He pulled up and I climbed into his car.

“You okay little one?” He asked, Holden had started using that pet name the other night.

“Yeah I just can’t sleep.” I sighed, sinking back into the seat.

“I got you.” He muttered and pulled away from the boy’s house. We drove for about fifteen minutes, pulling up outside an apartment complex. I followed Holden inside and into what I presumed was his apartment. It was a nice place- cosy, we sat down on his couch and he flicked on the TV looking for something to watch, he then disappeared for a few minutes, returning with two mugs.

“Why can’t you sleep?” He questioned handing me the hot chocolate; there was no way we were drinking caffeine at this time in the morning.

“I don’t know, I’m a little stressed out lately.” I explained.

“You know what’s good for that?” I shook my head so he could continue, “Weed and I’m being completely honest here.”

“Really?” I twiddled with me thumbs a little, taking a sip of my hot drink. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Holden chuckled a little. “But I’m just saying, if you wanted to give it a shot you could.” I thought about it for a minute; I have never even considered doing drugs before and now here I am thinking about smoking pot because I can’t sleep. I pushed the thought around for a minute before nodding to Holden. He gave me a sympathetic look, he obviously knew what I was going through- not being able to sleep fucks with your mind, everything seems heavy and exhausting, the little problems are blown into massive ones because you become so hypersensitive to everything and it feels like you’re just blurring through the days- never actually stopping.

Holden turned to his coffee table and pulled out the draw, he must have already had a joint rolled because he pulled one out and a lighter. He started the joint, breathing in deeply and then exhaling slowly. He handed it to me.

“Take a deep inhale, you need to feel it in your chest- not pain but the feeling of your lungs being full. Then slowly breathe out. Remember you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” I smiled at him and took the joint, I did as he said and took a deep breath in, I felt my lungs fill up- my chest becoming heavy then exhaled towards the ceiling. I felt the effect immediately- my body relaxed and I felt almost calm, I became very tranquil but just as soon as the feeling came it went away.

“That feeling comes and goes, it happens when you smoke regular cigarettes too. You won’t actually be high until a few more drags.” It seemed like Holden was a teacher and I was the student. Wait, not a teacher, more like a therapist- talking me through how to relax. I took a few more hits from the blunt and then passed it back to him. We continued doing that until the joint was done, I stubbed it out in his ash tray and then relaxed into the couch.

“Feel better?” He asked.

“Yeah, I’m relaxed.” I mumbled, closing my eyes and curling up on the sofa.

“Get some sleep little one, I’ll take you back before they’ll even notice you’ve gone.” That was the last thing I heard Holden say before I was enveloped in sleep.

A slight nudge woke me up, I sat up straight and took in my surroundings- remembering where I was and what I was doing in Holden’s apartment.

“Its eight in the morning, I need to take you back.” He said with a grovel in his voice. I nodded and put my shoes on, walking back down to Holden’s car and climbing in. He took me back to Tyler’s house and I quickly thanked him with a hug. I snuck back in, thanking my lucky stars that no one was awake yet and slipped back into Tyler’s bed- not before taking my pants off first. I cuddled into my boyfriend and closed my eyes feeling a lot better.

●

A/N

Thanks for reading.

Quick PSA: Holden and Riley’s relationship is going to be completely platonic. Also, I am not condoning substance abuse with this book, please don’t used illegal substances. If you don’t like the fact that I am writing about drugs and alcohol then either deal with it because it’s a fiction and it’s not real or stop reading.

Sorry to be so blunt it’s just the easiest way I can put it.

~Jadey6688