The Alpha's First Choice

32. I'll look forward to it.

We are both stuck. That's what I realized when I looked at his face. He was ashamed that he confessed.

Every time he looks at me, he remembers the past. Every time he feels happy, he also feels guilty for feeling happy. When he advances one step, he forces himself to take three steps back.

Neither of us could move on from that day at the mountain almost five years ago. Him, because of his guilt and me because I have lived so long cursing that day and cursing my fate that it has now become my comfort zone. I feel like moving out of that curse will require me to get out of my known territory. I feel vulnerable.

Had our lives been normal, had we met on my 16th birthday and lived together like any other mated couple, I wouldn't have been so obsessed about differentiating him from his wolf and demanding both of their sincerity. The thought probably wouldn't have crossed my mind.

"You should finish what you were saying" I told him with a new-found resolve.

My words perhaps jolted him out of the shock.

"Huh?" he sat up in attention, his vulnerable eyes looking for answers in mine.

"You were saying?" I raised my brows in enquiry.

He looked like he had a lot to say but every time he opened his mouth to speak; he clenches his jaws tight and shuts himself up.

"What I meant was that" he started slowly "of late, I've started wanting things that I don't deserve"

"Like what?" I asked, not leaving his gaze.

"Like" his eyes darkened "your love"

My stomach tickled as soon as the words left his mouth. I had to curl my toes to stop myself from feeling giddy all over.

I took a deep breath "I'm your mate. You of all the people shouldn't be insecure about my love for you" I replied knowing very well where the conversation was heading. Today is his day to speak. I'll make sure he's exhausted by the time he finishes talking. And for that I'll need a lot of self-control.

He chuckled humorlessly "You sure love mocking me"

"I'm not mocking you. I thought that's all you need, Liam" I said "How will I know what you want if you don't tell me"

A sudden blaze of heat rose his eyes; he held my elbow and pulled me closer, my face inches away from his.

"You want to know what I want?" he almost barked out, I should have been scared but I maintained my calm "I want you to be mine" his dark eyes glaring at me "I want all of you- Mind, body and soul. Mine" he was breathing hard.

I raised my free hand and placed it at the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him. Touching him also acted as a calming balm to my heat.

"And" I urged him.

"And I want you to love me, not because your wolf is tied to mine but because it's me. I want you to come to me when you are ready, not when the world or the bond forces you to. I want you to know the exact moment you fell in love with me and relive the moment over and over again just like I do" he breathed "I want you to be happy...........with me" 

He dipped his head in my shoulder in resignation.

I continued patting his head "You remember the date you asked me on?" I said after a while. He nodded from my shoulder "Well let's do it"

His head went up so fast that I almost lost my neck "Do what?" he asked curiously.

"The date" I repeated "Now"