My Roommate the Sex God

HOSPITLE GOWNS

Keagan

I tried my hardest not to laugh at the girl on top of me. She was grinding her hips against mine, desperately trying to get an inch of my attention as I drank my whiskey.

"Look hon," I chuckled. "could you get off of me?"

"Oh come on." She slurred, and I could just see how drunk and how bad of an idea she really was. Honestly I didn't even want her in the first place. She just kind of forced herself onto me. "A lot of guys get whiskey dick. Nothing to be ashamed about."

"I don't have whiskey dick." I stated, getting a tad bit annoyed. "My dick is perfectly fine. You're the problem."

"How am I the problem?"

"Look at you! If I wanted to hump plastic, I'd just buy a sex doll." I pushed her off my lap as gently as I could and stumbled away. I wasn't nearly intoxicated enough to be falling all over myself, but seriously, my legs were numb.

"Are you okay?" I looked up from my glass to see a group of girls in front of me, clearly wall flowers, but god did they seem like better company than that other bitch.

"Yes, I'm wonderful." I chuckled. "How are you ladies this evening?" A few giggled, but the one who asked if I was alright just smiled.

"We're okay. I'm Heather." The heavier set one announced. "This is Meghan, Vicky and Diana."

"Nice to meet you all, I'm Keagan."

"We know." I turned to face the shortest one in the group who's name I already couldn't remember. I think it was Vicky, but I could be wrong. "Just out of curiosity, what did that Barbie do to piss you off?"

"Exactly what you just said. She's a Barbie and I'm just not into that. You ladies are more my cup of tea." I winked and then chuckled. "Actually, I'm more into men, but if I had to pick a woman, she'd be down to earth and not all plastic and tan. Pale skin is the way to go." The group laughed and I honestly felt kind of welcomed.

So I decided to plant my feet with them for the night. I didn't need to have another sexual adventure, well, at least not tonight. My penis needs a break.

"Oh shit." The red head who I believe name is Meghan announce. "Don't look now, but Barbie is coming over."

And of course I look. I see her stomping her way in her heels right on over to me. She placed her hands firmly on her hips as she scowled at my new group of friends.

"So you turn me down to hand out with these girls?" She hissed, her voice filled with disgust.

"These girls? Why do you have to say it like that?" I chuckled. "If anything you should say it excitedly! Like 'Oh damn Keagan, looks like you scored yourself a nice group of women tonight!' or something like that!" I could hear the girls behind me giggle as I stood up for them.

"No I meant it exactly how I said it. You had grade A meat, and you chose to go dick around with girls who couldn't keep up with me in their dreams."

I held my hand up to stop her from saying anything else.

"Look, Barbie, you're fake and gross. These women behind me have brains, and have figure, I'd bang each and every one of them ten times over before I even consider touching you. You might think you're hot shit, but sweetie, you're worth nothing more than a hump and dump to me and every other man out there, so before you go throwing rocks at other girls, you might want to make sure you're not in a glass house yourself." The room fell silent for a moment as everyone tuned in. I could see the wheels turning in her mind of everything she wanted to scream at me, but instead I got her boney hand smacked across my cheek.