The Disappearance of Jessica Stark

28. The Stare of a Thousand Eyes

      Rhodey and I stood together on the balcony that over looks the grounds of the compound. Multicolored leaves blew around in the blue sky. There were hardly any clouds, and the air was cool. Autumn was always my favorite season. It reminded me of a simpler time.

     A time where my Mother and I would grab hot chocolate at the local coffee shop in Washington D.C. A time where the only thing that mattered was getting E's and S's on my report cards. The time where my world was small and protected. I looked back on my younger self and ponder... if I had a time machine, would I travel back and change things? Would I have the courage and strength to somehow in someway keep my mother alive.

      She didn't deserve death, she should have lived. But if she did, then I would not have met my Father. I wouldn't have known who that playboy, philanthropist was, and he wouldn't have change. Who knows if Dad would be the person that is now if I hadn't have showed up. I'm not taking credit for changing him, or giving him a reason to correct his ways, all I know is that I at least played a small part in his journey of amends.

      I recall the first couple of weeks living in his home almost as if I was a ghost. He hardly noticed my presence. Later, after years passed, we became inseparable buddies. He taught be things, chatted about randomness, helped me through problems, he became the Father that I never had before. I knew that he loved me.

      I'd see it in the simplest ways. He'd cook (or have someone cook) my favorite meals, hang up photos of us, purposefully turn down the music in the car just so he could talk to me, stop by In and Out burger because he knew that their fries were my all time favorite. I could go on. On and on and on.

      But the one thing I always loved was when we'd just sit together. Wether that'd be in the workshop in Malibu or on the couch in Stark Tower, or even in the kitchen area of the compound. I'd work on homework and he'd be designing or filling out paperwork, and we'd just keep each other company. No talking, no nothing, just comfortable silence.

      "Don't think that I'm angry, or resentful" Rhodey said out of nowhere, breaking the silence between us. I had almost forgotten that we were standing together on the balcony. He was leaning against one of the crutches, his other hand was firmly on the rail. I shoved my hands into my jean pockets, my dark flannel shirt blow slightly in the cool wind.

      My hair was acting in its own way, dancing in the wind and getting caught on my lips. I tucked a few strands behind my ear "I just... want you to know that" his voice faded. I rubbed my lips together, feeling my eyes burn already. Just thinking about the damage I caused was bringing me to tears "I know that you were just trying to protect Sam, and I know you would never intentionally hurt anyone"

      I leaned my elbows onto the silver railing and stared down to the yard below. Some of the agents were below on their lunch break "...but I did" I said plainly "and what I don't understand is why you aren't pissed, why isn't anyone mad?!" I asked, raising my arms up in a shrug "Not even Secretary Ross is mad, I just, I don't understand" I let my head hang.

      "You want me to mad at you?" Rhodey asked, sounding confused. He raised his eyebrow slightly at me.

      "I feel like I deserve it" I replied. He should punch me, hit me with his crutch, throw me off the balcony. Do something.

       "Well, unfortunately for you, I'm not" he nudged me in the arm, gaining my attention "Im actually getting stronger every day. I should be good as new in the next few months"

      I looked up to him and crossed my arms over my chest "I'm really sorry Rhodey, I really really am, I never intended to do this. Your life shouldn't be like this, I..." I took a deep breath in hopes to hold myself together "I can't express how sorry I am"