When?

20. "Wait."

A/N: Hey guys, this is the longest I've gone without updating but college was an absolute mess and I had a writers block, anyways, I'm back now, and this chapter isn't the best but I'll try to get better, I promise. Anyways, comment and vote and tell me what you think, ily x

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Judith

It was all too tempting, too inviting. The liquid that to any other person would be meaningless, powerless, held a certain authority over me. It weakened me. It aroused the demons within me, the demons I thought I had rid myself of, the demons I had been trying to silence. I wanted to give in, one can only fight against himself for so long, but then he came to mind. He was blurry, indecisive, and not quite there, but that was enough for me to remember why I had been doing what I had been doing, to remember what got me there, what cost me everything I had ever had. That demonic instrument of oblivion. I continued to shake the glass in my hand, watching as the liquid stirred, like the small waves of the ocean, crashing against the sand, taking it all with it, leaving the sand clean, wet, but purely empty. That was what drinking used to do to me; it used to empty me. It would take it all away with it, the memories, the sorrow, the pain, and each and every bit of my composure, of my sanity.

“ Do you need a refill? Wait, you haven’t touched it yet, you’re so off lately, Jude.” Wincing at the nickname that was Harry’s, I forced a pained smile.

“ Yeah, I am not at my best  game nowadays.” I shrugged at the curious bartender, as I pushed the drink away.

“ How about some water?”

“ Water? You came all the way here to drink water?” The bartender; Jake, rose a questioning eyebrow at me, causing me to roll my eyes, running a hand through my hair.

 “ Here you go.” He handed me the glass of water, but then he rested his elbows onto the bar, as he brought his face closer to me.

“ Hey, you okay?” He questioned, after he had taken a few seconds to take in my altered state of mind. I shrugged nonchalantly. Okay seemed to be a concept that I was no longer familiar with, perhaps I never was, but he made me the best form of “okay” I could ever be. He was always my okay when everything seemed to be stumbling down, even my own pathetic self. Staring down at the water, it wasn’t nearly as overwhelming as the previous drink. It was calm, serene, pure. It was transparent, no deceiving in it, just like he had been. It was just plain, tasteless, water, just like I would always be.

“ Judith,” I heard my name being called, I tilted my head backwards to find Louis, walking towards me with a tired smile. I waved my hand, an inevitable smile forming on my lips, and that was when my eyes fell onto the all too familiar mope of curls walking behind him. The water glass fell from my trembling hands, crashing onto the ground, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He was here.

“ Woah, are you okay?” Louis questioned, stepping towards me. I nodded, my eyes unable to see anything but him, unwilling to pay attention to anyone other than him. He was looking at the ground, a hand hiding in his pocket, while the other pulled at his hair nervously. A lip was trapped between his teeth, as he studied the floor as if it was a piece of art. He was wearing black jeans that would normally be too skinny for his taste, and a buttoned up shirt that he tucked into his pants, because this was Harry we were talking about, of course he wouldn’t be that wild to actually let his shirt loose. I almost giggled to myself, shaking my head at how well I still knew him. Everything had changed, all our surroundings, all that was once familiar to us, but not him. He would always be Harry. Looking at him was excruciating, because I knew I couldn’t simply pull him into my arms, or ruffle that perfectly messy hair, or even kiss those lips that I had been longing for. But, I’d rather forever suffer from seeing him, than not to see him at all. He was worth it. He would always be worth it.

“ I practically dragged Harry here, because the boys wanted to go out, and he was decaying back at the house, so I figured it would be a good idea if we all went out, he needs to loosen up anyway.” And I could have sworn those emerald green eyes rolled at Louis’ words, as a small smiled tucked at those plump lips, but he remained silent.  I giggled lightly, rising from my high seat, subconsciously tugging at my baggy shirt. I needed to look into his eyes. I needed him to see me.

“ You look good, you’re feeling alright? Better?” Louis questioned, his blue eyes examining me, before settling onto my eyes. I nodded, tucking a lone hair lock behind my ear.

“ I’m alright, I guess.”

“ You cut your hair.” Louis acknowledged, with a chuckle, as he ran his hand through my newly cut hair. And that was when Harry’s eyes rose from the ground, widening.

“ You never cut your hair before.” He breathed, almost as if it was a silent thought that went past his lips involuntarily. Looking into his sad eyes was a bit overwhelming, because they reflected the damage I had caused, the mess I made upon us both. And I couldn’t bear that very thought. Ruining myself was imaginable, hell, I had always been ruined any way, but not Harry. He was meant to be okay, happy even. I never wanted my toxics to run through him, to alter up and mold him into something he was never meant to be.

“ We better get going, the boys are waiting for us.” Louis sorrowfully whispered, pointing towards the boys, to whom I waved casually, and they returned it, with genuine smiles.

“ I’ll head off too.” Mostly because his mere presence in the same place would be suffocating.

“ Do you want me to drive you home, or something?” Louis offered.

“ Nah, I’ll walk, I could use the fresh air.” Because the tears were forming behind my eyes, and the air didn’t seem to have proper access through my lungs, and it was all a bit too much.

“ Alright, take care. Give me a call when you’re home so that I know you’re safe.” Louis pulled me into a side hug, tenderly kissing the top of my head, because I was that obvious and in need of comfort. I nodded, allowing my eyes to silently thank him for me. I waved to the boys again, and then to Louis, but my eyes lingered upon Harry’s unfamiliar figure for a few more seconds, before a sigh went past my lips.

“ Bye.” And it wasn’t to anyone is particular, maybe it was to Harry, or maybe it was to who I was with him, or who he thought I was. Just as I was about to exit the bar, an electrifying hand caught my arm.

“ Wait.”