Pent up

Maybe I miss you

"You guys could have called me!" I try to sound annoyed, but the quickly rising color of my cheeks and the sudden beating of my heart prevent me from sounding anywhere near bothered.

"Sorry" He smiles up at me, eyes closed "I was really tired, we played Halo for hours"

Diego stirs and grumbles from his side of the room

"Silence" He throws a pillow, hitting me over the head, and immediately turns back around, closing his eyes and snoring loudly. I huff and take the object, chucking it back at him. He doesn't even flinch.

"You gave my bed away" I whine "Where am I supposed to sleep now?"

"Just sleep together" he grumbles "It's not like you haven't before" He snorts from under the pillow and goes back to snoring.

I blush harder, and look down at Cris, who's smirking.

"Diego kicks hard, and I like the way my shins are" He jokes. I roll my eyes.

"Okay, move over then" I say, defeated. My heart beats rapidly as I strip from my jeans. I take the covers and try to hide behind them as soon as possible, jumping onto the bed.

It's cramped, university beds not being made to host two people, or one person for that matter, so we lay on our sides, facing away from each other.

"Did you have fun?" Cris asks, a tinge of sadness to his voice.

My breathing halts as I think.

"Yeah..." I say, not really convinced myself I'm telling the truth "They invited me to a fishing trip"

"Aleady?" He laughed "You charmed them right away, huh? You are very likable"

"Am I?" I say incredulous "I literally said nothing the whole evening"

"Ah, the silent charm... They got blown away by your good looks, then" he continued, audibly amused at the new infortmation.

"I don't think it matters that much when you need to be liked by someone's parents" I huff, embarassed

A beat passes as he thinks

"They want cute grandchildren, of course it's important..." He says, and I can sense a little bitterness in his tone.

"Still" I try change the subject "It was quite awkward at first"

"You and your smooth talking" He says dryly

I panic a little. Is he upset?

"I talked to them about you" The room grows quiet again...

Why did I say that? Am I stupid?

"You did?" He asks tentatively "Why?" He turns to look at the ceiling and I curl up on my pillow even more

"I was just... thinking of you... and it kind of slipped my notice I was gushing about you" Stop talking, mouth! "I was talking about sports, and then about wrestling, and I remembered our tournament, and how you looked back then and then I realized I was just rambling" Like now... Idiot.

"Rambling about me in front of your girlfriend?" He now turned completely, facing my way.

My head feels as if it's about to pop from too much blood pumping to my cheeks.

"I didn't realize I was doing it... And she doesn't know it was you who I-" I stop myself from saying anything unnecessary.

"Who you fucked behind her back? Quite a big secret you got there, specially when you still hang out with me... Isn't that a little dangerous?" I can feel his breath on the back of my neck.

Fuck. My breath hitches

"We aren't doing it anymore, we're just friends. It's fine if she doesn't know" I try to convince myself more than anything. Cris hums, almost as if agreeing.

"Is it?" He asks innocently, as I feel him turn back around to face the wall "That's good, then I don't have to worry. Good night" He snuggles to his side, taking the covers with him.

I can't bring myself to say anything back, not even when I'm defensless to the cold of the room.

What is that supposed to mean? That we don't have to act any different around each other? Or that we can... do whatever and she'll never know?

I... hope it's the former. I don't think I could live with myself if I continued lying to Clara.

I decide to just let it go, as I close my eyes and slip into a dreamless sleep.

I wake up to an empty bed

Thank god, I sigh

I roll on the bed, looking at the ceiling with a frown on my face.

What the hell was that last night?

I rub my eyes tiredly, and I realize from my periphery that I'm completely alone in the room.

I get up, groggily throwing the bed covers aside in frustration.

What is going on?

I thought everything would be better after I met Clara's parents...

but now I just feel trapped...

Cris is sending me all sort of mixed signals, friendly, flirty, cold,

And the Johnsons welcomed me into their family without knowing what we- what I did.

We had a loveless relationship for so long... and it led to both of us... growing apart.

I have to admit... I did love her very much when we started hanging out but...

Cristopher was always on my mind.

Maybe it was a strange obsession I had, always thinking about that stranger that took my virginity.

Day and night fantasizing about his breath on my neck and the kisses he gave me... maybe staying with her despite being dissatisfied was already being unfaithful but I tried to make it work! It's not my fault my heart always longed for him.

Was it my heart? More like my dick..

No, maybe it was my heart...

Still, I chose Clara. I chose to stay true to my promisses to her. I couldn't toss away the good things we had, our memories, our friendship, for some steamy nights with the hot jock that plagued all my thoughts and then promptly breaking up because we had nothing in common except really compatible bodies.

I did take my chance when I saw him again, but it was foolish and irresponsible.

I groan, This is too much to be thinking about so early in the morning.

I get up, finally, finding a rumpled shirt on the ground. I sniff it.

Clean, I put it on. I take my sneakers, sliding them on, and change into some shorts.

Maybe a good run will help me clear my head.