A Waltz With Wolves (Book II in The Harrison Inc. Series) | ✓

Chapter Thirty-Nine: A Pleasant Surprise

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NOVEMBER

Three months. What can I tell you about the last three months?

Well, it's been a long three months filled with press conferences, appearances, and interviews. Birthdays, too - Sebastian's birthday and my birthday. Of course, we didn't celebrate either of them together since that would be in violation of our "no friendly contact rule" Sarah put in place for us.

Ever since the photo of Sebastian and I at Claire's party leaked to the press, Sarah and I came to the consensus that it would make more sense for Sebastian and me to steer clear of each other outside of work until the mess died down. This decision was a lot harder to make after finding out about him and Claire; after finding out the truth. Now, amidst the light November rain that been hitting Los Angeles lately, I'm forced to look at the two of them give the tabloids a show, knowing that it's all fake.

Knowing that it's all for me.

There were a lot of words I wanted to say to Sebastian, but every time I tried to, he would just turn away. Not in a malicious way, though. But that made it hurt even more. When we would look at each other in his office or at an event, there were words held in our gaze that we wanted to say. But we both couldn't for different reasons.

I decided to stay away from the Malatovas the last three months, too. After what Sebastian told me, I intended on not making things more complicated. I wanted to meet her - of course, I wanted to meet Genina. I found myself looking at photos of her, reading her autobiography, even watching YouTube videos of her coronation. It made the pain worse, and Sebastian was the only one who could relate. But we couldn't talk about it. That, or we didn't want to. We were too scared to. I knew how he felt for me and everything he had sacrificed for me, and it made me scared. It made me feel less than.

So, in an attempt to try and feel useful - like I'm fixing instead of hurting - I decided to talk to Alejandro.

Early November, he had come back from Colombia as promised. We met at a secluded cafe in Beverly Hills, overpriced but beautiful. Appropriate. Seeing him in person for the first time in months made me realize that I still did care for him. Even though we took a break, and even though Sebastian and I had sex during this break - I still cared for him. And I decided not to tell him about this. I just sat and let me speak.

"I was looking for my mother," he confessed to me, his large, tattoed hands gripping his coffee cup for warmth. "That's why I couldn't tell you everything. It was still sensitive at the time."

He then told me what he said over the phone in Venetia - that he loved me. That he didn't want to hurt me. That he wanted to make it work because he cared for me. And I believed every word; the sincerity in his words was almost too much to deny. So, I forgave him under strict terms. And just like that, I had thought I filled this void inside of me that had been there for months. I thought that having Alejandro as my boyfriend again would make me feel whole or not "less than." I smiled down at my cup of tea as he held my hand, still feeling empty. But I thought that I just needed to adjust. Having two men tell me that they loved me made me feel emptier than I thought.

To somehow bring some normality into my life - our lives - Alejandro and I had sex right after our meeting at the coffee shop. I guess this was an attempt to forget what the last three months have burdened us with and to solidify the re-beginning of our relationship. It was in my apartment, in my bed, tangled in my sheets, yet it all felt more alien than ever before. There was no love in our motions—his motions. It was just fucking. That's what we did. We fucked. We looked at each other a couple of times as he was inside me, but neither of us could ever hold eye contact; I couldn't find him in his eyes, and he couldn't find me in my gaze, either. And as he kept going, the friction against our bodies almost painful, I started to think about things that no woman should think of while having sex with a man - another man. I thought about Sebastian and everything he had done for me. I thought about the words he had told me; how his voice cracked when he first said that he was in love with me and how my body completely surrendered to him when we made love that same night.