i hate you » carl gallagher

twenty-three - die for you

noel

I had texted Blake to stop by my house before school started since I wasn't going and Carl still hasn't been answering my texts or calls.

We were sitting on the porch drinking hot chocolate while I told him everything about me. I told him all of my problems and he just listened. I never open up to people, especially people I don't know that well, but with Blake I feel like I can tell him anything.

"Wow," he said after I had finished telling him everything that's been happening.

"Yeah, and the worst part is, I haven't talked to Tucker at all. I feel like I'm leaving him out of my life. He's my bestfriend, I don't know how I could do that to him," I explained.

"Just talk to him," Blake suggested. "I'm sure that even after all this time of not talking to him, he still thinks of you as his bestfriend."

"Yeah, I hope so," I said. I looked across the street and met eyes with the unexpected: Carl. He narrowed his eyes at me and then he his attention turned to Blake.

I thought that he would say something to me. Just one word, but he didn't. He turned around and opened his front gate, starting towards his front door.

"Carl," I yelled. He just ignored me and walked inside of the house. My stomach dropped and my heart felt like it had been stomped on. I hate it when people I care about just ignore me like that. It actually hurts.

"I um, I have to get to school," Blake said. "I don't want to leave, but my mom will kick my ass if she finds out I ditched."

"It's okay, Blake," I told him. "Thanks for stopping by." I sent him a smile as he stood up and began to walk down the front steps.

He stopped midway down the stairs and turned around like he had forgotten something. "I forgot to tell you, I got tickets to The Weeknd's concert on Friday. Do you want to go with me? Just as friends, though."

"Oh, I'd love to. What time," I asked him, trying to brighten my own mood up a bit.

"We should probably leave for the concert right after school to get the good seats," he said. "Is that okay?"

"Definitely," I smiled.

"Cool, I'll text you later," he stated, before finally leaving and heading off to school.

Blake is such a sweet guy. Though I do not, and cannot, have feelings for him, I would love to get closer to him. He's one of those people I just want to have in my life forever. He really lightened up the mood, even if it was a only a little bit.

However, the feeling that I have in my stomach is not going away. I can't just sit here and pretend like I didn't just witness the love of my life ignore the hell out of me.

I set my hot chocolate down on the porch swing and ran across the street. I walked right into the Gallagher household.

I checked the downstairs and didn't see Carl anywhere, so I checked the upstairs. Of course, he was in his bedroom.

"Hey," I half yelled angrily as I stormed into the room. He didn't even look up at me. He just sat there on his bed and began rolling a blunt. "Have you gotten my texts and calls? I understand that you're hurting right now, but you shouldn't push me away like this. You can't!"

He finally stopped what he was doing and looked up at me. And for the first time in I don't even know how long, he finally spoke to me. "Yes I can." Even though his words hurt, the sound of his voice made my heart flutter.

"No you can't," I yelled back, my voice cracking. I was about ready to burst out into tears, but I couldn't.

"Why the hell not," he said, his words sounded agressive against his raspy voice. I could tell that he was tired and exhausted.

"Because you fucking love me! And you can't deny that! You know that I love you too. I can't let you push me away because I have to be there for you, through the good and bad. I always have to make sure that you're okay, even when I know you're not. So, when you aren't okay I can help you and fix you... make you happy again," my voice turned into a whisper as I said those last words.

He set his blunt aside and stood up, walking over to me. He hesitated, but he finally wrapped his arms around me. At last, I was warm again. I felt the butterflies in my stomach begin to flutter around again. It was that feeling I had been craving since he began isolating himself. I have finally gotten that craving.

When he finally pulled away, he looked into my eyes and said, "I love you... so much."

"I love you, too," I replied. " Where've you been?" He took a deep breath and grabbed my hand, sitting the both of us down on his bed.

"I've been trying to get out of the drug dealing business," he admitted. "It's hard to get out of. Once you're in it, you're in it for life. That's why I've been avoiding you, I didn't want you to worry."

"Well, if you would've told me this sooner, I wouldn't have worried as much as I was a few minutes ago," I told him. "I'm proud of you." He paused and looked down at both of our hands.

"I saw you sleeping on the couch a couple nights ago. You looked so peaceful, but really uncomfortable. So, I brought you up here and layed you on my bed. I was a little dazed, but I remember you grabbing my hand a telling me something," he said to me.

"I don't remember that," I stated. "What did I say?"

"You told me not to leave you. You told me to stop breaking your heart... I couldn't take it so I left," he explained. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I hope you understand that I would do anything for you. I would die for you... I take a fucking life for you." I tried to speak but he shushed me and pulled me onto his lap. "Don't say anything, please. Just sit here with me."

So, we sat there in eachothers arms. It was perfect. A moment I never wanted to end. I had almost forgotten about going back to Florida. Then I realized, I still have bad news to bring to the table.

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a/n: short chapter, yes. BUT i'm updating again soon!! i am also going to finish this book very soon! within about 10 chapters maybe more. but no need to fear, a sequel is near (omg i hate myself)

anyways, love you guys so so soooo much and THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR 10k!! THAT IS SO FUCKING AMAZING!!!