BoTW Oneshots

Rocks - Yunobo (Joke)

Requested by Blushing_Moon

This. Is. A. Trollfic. My friend requested this as a joke (I think), but if you want to read this seriously, you can try and translate it. Also requests may be closed but I had to take this because it was this or she'd force me to write Beedle smut.

I am a geologist going to study the Rare Ore Deposits on Death Mountain that supposedly make you rich because they can drop diamonds. It also appears that I like people with a much larger physique than me. Specifically Goron and their holes for ears and hair like raw croissants.

*Flash back*

~Woooooooosh~

I'm in the middle of the Southern Goron Mine, inspecting a couple of rocks here and there. The big lizard is stomping around on the mountain, sending out large rocks here and there, but I somehow manage to not get hit by the rocks. Nor burn to a crisp because I'm not Goron. It's fanfiction logic, I guess.

"I heard that you like rocks?" A random Goron child asks from behind me. The voice makes me jump. I've always been a very jumpy child. I turn around to find a small Goron standing behind me. He's a bright orange colour with little blue eyes. His hair also looks like a raw croissant.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I scared you," He panics, bringing his huge hands up to his head in a panicked stance.

"It's okay. I'm very jumpy," I say. "But since we just met and this is a fanfiction, let's be suddenly best friends!"

"Yes, let's!" The Goron boy replies. "What is your name?"

"I'm (Y/N), I'm 7 years old and I love rocks," I smile proudly.

"Cool. I'm Yunobo and I'm 7 too and I love to eat rocks," He blushes. His blush makes me blush. Everyone suddenly blushes. "See you later. I have some random thing a 7 year old needs to do, so I'm off,"

"Bye bye," I reply.

I remember his cheeks have permanently been that way for a long time.

*End Flashback*

"Rocks, rocks, rocks. Igneous rocks really interest me," I sing as I wander along the path to Southern Goron Mine. I somehow have the ability to not get burned alive no matter what, so I can wander to and fro in Death Mountain any time stark naked if I wanted. I was granted this ability from the Gods of Fanfiction.

"Ma'am, you better be careful here because that big ole lizard is on the run and your amazing abilities of magically ignoring the falling rocks may or may not fail you," One Goron miner says from around the corner. I don't think that is going to happen because the Gods of Fanfiction would never let that happen.

I walk over down to the shore of the lava river and inspect around the lava for any igneous rocks. Nothing really catches my attention. The ground rumbles a little bit, meaning that the Lizard is moving. But that doesn't worry me. It suddenly crosses my mind that Yunobo lives in Goron city, and it's right around the corner. Maybe I can go and visit him once I've gotten some rocks to stuff in my pocket that leads to another dimension because it's so big.

"Good afternoon (Y/N). Fancy seeing you here," A familiar voice says from behind me. "Long time no see! Since I just saw you all of a sudden, would you like to go up the mountain with me for no apparent reason because logic?"

I turn around to find Yunobo staring at me. He hasn't changed at all since I saw him 2 weeks ago after coming to find more Rare Ore Deposits. "Yes, that would be most enjoyable! Screw logic, so let's go!"

I walk off to the Great Eldin Bridge with Yunobo. The mountain continues to shake because the big ole lizard is still angry and moving around on its own. But I'm not worried. Yunobo and I make small talk as we walk along the path.

"Small talk, small talk,"

"Nonsense, nonsense,"

KRABOOM!

The ground rumbles violently and I fall over. But I don't tumble down into the lava. Yunobo crunches down into a huddle position and pulls up his barrier. Here come the rocks. I'm not worried because the rocks never hit me.

Little did I know that this time one spawned straight above my head. Yunobo quickly grabs me and pulls me into his barrier. Right where I was standing, a rock exploded.

"FANFICTION GODS, YOU FAILED ME!" I cry out. Suddenly, Bludo and Rin appear in the sky and cry down.

"You are a weird protagonist and I had to create you and then take away your abilities for this fanfiction so Yunobo could save you in a terrible fanfiction! It was you or Beedle Smut!" Rin screams down at me.

"You have a rock kink!" Bludo screams.

I simply roll my eyes and they both disappear. Yunobo looks down at me.

I blush.

He blushes.

"Lovey dovey stuff." - Blushing_Moon's request via text.

Sorry if you died.